I debated posting this morning, but figured it would be best to just come clean.
I'm frustrated.
I binged yesterday.
It certainly wasn't the worst binge, but there was still a lack of control and a lingering feeling of fullness into the evening. Not painfully full, but enough to make me feel like I did something wrong.
At first, I told myself I would not feel guilty. And I didn't! Until this morning anyway... Did I genuinely want to go the gym and run this morning? Yeah. But was I more motivated by guilt to push myself through a 70 minute sweat session aimed simply at burning extra calories? Yep. Very much so.
Do I feel better? Well, I certainly feel less shitty, but still quite discouraged and frustrated with myself. I'm glad that I resisted the temptation to use laxatives, but still upset that I considered that an option in the first place.
A good amount of this frustration comes from my reaction to reading dozens of posts over the past week from people (well, all women actually) who are constantly counting calories or points, beating themselves up when they "go over" said points/calories, overexercise, restrict and hang their happiness on a number on a scale. And when the number doesn't match their perceived effort or they eat "bad" foods, the cycle just repeats itself.
In fact, I've had to flat out delete some blogs from my Google Reader because I just couldn't take reading these posts anymore. They only served as reminders of the typical dieter I used to be and it's pretty heartbreaking. And it's frustrating because I still can't seem to break up with that part of myself.
On the side other of the spectrum, there are all of the other blogs that don't obsess over points or calories, enjoy all foods in moderation, stay active more for health rather than weight and manage to maintain balance and happiness without [seemingly] batting an eye. And those are the blogs that leave me asking, "Why is it so hard for me to be more like them?" I certainly don't want to get too wrapped up in comparing myself to others, but at the same time, I still like to seek out good role models. BUT, I also need to remember my own personal history with food/weight. I can't simply follow the good habits of others and expect that history (more specifically, those old behaviors) to disappear completely. Yeah, it would be nice if it worked that way, but I know better.
As I've mentioned on this blog before, I read Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat and really felt it to be a huge eye opener, in terms of defining the trends that led to my binge eating in the first place and how to be normal around food.
I know how to listen to hunger cues. I've made a great deal of progress in removing the "good" and "bad" labels from food. I've learned to love exercise for the way it makes me feel (and not just how many calories it burns). But, there's still that typical dieter in me that won't let me live life 100% guilt-free when it comes to food. Right now, I'd say I'm pretty much 50% mindful/intuitive eater and 50% typical hard-ass dieter. I'd like to say that it's a 60/40 split or even 70/30, but then I'd just be lying.
I'm making progress. I can't deny that. But I'm still trying to rush the process of recovery and that's what causes these self-imposed guilt trips every time I "slip-up." There's still so much damn diet talk ("guilt-free," "fell off the wagon," "indulge," "sinful," "back on track," etc.) that pops into my head and it pisses me off. It pisses me off because after reading EWYL, I now know that such language is utter and complete bullshit, yet I still let it affect me from time to time.
There is light at the end of this damn tunnel. Everything's not lost. I don't feel like this whole process is hopeless. I still recognize how awesome and strong I am. And yes, I'm still too hard on my self. Lots of things I'm completely aware of. At the beginning of this post, I was indeed frustrated. Several typed characters and a few deep breaths later, I do indeed feel better. Certainly not feeling like a tiger, ready to roar and dig its claws into the day, but rather a penguin, hopping from rock to rock. Or something like that. I don't know. I never said analogies were my forté.
Showing posts with label eat what you love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eat what you love. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Z-Z-Z-Zumba!
Fitness
Last night, I tried my first Zumba class and. I. Friggin'. LOVE IT! Omg. I've had quite a few people tell me over the past few months that I should give it a try, including the owner at my [now] old gym. For no good reason, I just took everyone's excitement with a grain of salt.
I like to dance for fun, but never gave much thought to dance-based workouts. And in all honesty, I threw most of them into the "Lame" and/or "To Be Ignored" categories when it came to trying new fitness routines. Don't ask me why I thought this because I have absolutely no good reason, other than maybe I thought they wouldn't be challenging or worth my time... Yeah, I can be a jerk sometimes.
Well, I had previously made plans to go grocery shopping, but I also hadn't worked out yet and was on the fence about whether or not I wanted to. I was feeling pretty restless but not in the mood for treadmill or step mill stuff, or DVDs or magazine routines... So, I looked at the 24 Hour class schedule and whaddya know, a Zumba class was on for 5:30. Needless to say, my curiosity (and boredom) got the better of me, so after work I went home to change and made my way to the gym.
Once I figured out who the instructor was, I immediately thought that yes, maybe I could indeed benefit from this class. Why? Her ass was amazing. There was some old-school Michael Jackson playing while we waited for class to start, so that put me in a good mood while I did some stretching. As expected, the mic system was still out, but whatevs.
Unlike TurboKick, I think there was maybe only one other person besides me who was completely new to Zumba. That made me a little nervous, but again, whatevs. All nervousness quickly vanished as we got into the warm-up because I was totally workin' it! Within seconds, I thought "Omg! I can do this! This is actually fun! OMG!"
Definitely a small learning curve. And our instructor (Larissa) did a good job of giving us rundowns of each routine beforehand. Plus, the moves themselves were pretty basic, so it all felt really natural. That's not to say that I didn't completely f-up from time to time... I still can't comprehend Salsa. I've tried it a couple times before and the stepping just seems so difficult to me. Maybe I'm putting too much effort into it? I don't know.
Love, love, loved the whole workout (minus Salsa, haha). The soundtrack made it easy and fun. And the tempo helped me break out a respectable sweat.
The only downside is that I am completely sore and busted today. I still had some lingering soreness from TurboKick on Wednesday, so all of the extra squatting, hip-shaking and booty-rumping (yeah, I made that up) from Zumba has left me in pathetic shape today. At one point during last night's session, I felt the most miserable cramp in my right side that I actually said "Owwww!" out loud. Had to slow down a bit at that point. It's mostly my back and sides that are bothering me, but I think between walking around the grocery store tonight and taking some advil later, I should still be up for 24 S.E.T. tomorrow morning.
So now, not only am I a Group Fitness Class convert, I'm totally a Zumba convert. I'm already looking forward to next week's class! Still debating on doing it again on Tuesday, but I also want to try the 24 Cycle class too, so I need to pace myself! If I wasn't so sore and didn't have plans tonight, I would probably try Zumba again at 5:30, heh. It was so much fun! AHHH!
Anywho. So it would seem that I'm already getting my money's worth on my new membership just based on classes alone. I'm so glad I made the switch and finally decided to break my group-class prejudice. They aren't lame and the are fun and challenging. See what you've been missing all of these months, Stuffy Old Tam?
Food/Mindful Eating Progress
On the food front, I've made some progress this week as well. I only "discovered" it a couple of days ago, but instead of fighting my hunger or giving into it too much, I've finally put the following Mindful Moment tip from Eat What You Love into practice: If you're only a little bit hungry, you only need a little bit of food.
For so long (even up through the beginning of this weeK), I've fought with how many meals/snacks I should have throughout the day and when. Well, this week I decided to throw the idea of snacks and meals out the window, in a sense. My hunger patterns throughout the day vary slightly, but remain pretty consistent for the most part since my schedule rarely changes. That said, the past couple of days, I've found that breaking up my meals (particularly breakfast and lunch) into 2 parts seems to work pretty swell. Because when I do get hungry, I'm usually only a *little* bit hungry, not full-fledged starving. I think I got used to the idea of packing a lunch and eating all of that lunch at whatever time I designated as lunch time. It's not like I pack a ton of food, but by eating my entire lunch at once, I noticed I was full, but within the next couple of hours, I was kinda hungry or just feeling needy for some type of extra food.
By breaking my first two "meals" into two "parts" (or snacks, or mini-meals or whatever the heck you want to call them) I not only get the appropriate amount of fullness satisfaction, but also quite a bit of psychological satisfaction because I'm enjoying "more" foods over the course of the day ("more" being in quotes because I'm not actually adding more food at all and in some cases, am eliminating mindless and/or unnecessary snacks and nibbles).
For example, today I had a corn tortilla with 1/4 cup of egg whites and some diced tomato at around 7 am. I was indeed hungry, but still not quite ready for a full-fledged breakfast. And instead of forcing myself to not eat anything at all and going hungry for another couple of hours and having a full-fledged/complete breakfast around 9 am (like I had practiced the previous 2 weeks), I figured something small and light was fine for now and I would have something else later. A little after 9 am, my stomach started growling, as expected, so I finished "breakfast" with some Greek yogurt, Kashi cereal and some chia seeds.
At around 12, a little hungry again. Instead of having all of my lunch, I just had a slice of Flax Oatbran bread with berry jam. That's held me over so far, and in about another hour or so, I'll have the tuna/hummus/feta salad I also packed.
I know it probably sounds simple enough and probably not worth mentioning, but it's made quite a difference for me this week and has taken a lot of the guesswork (and stress) out of figuring out when I "should" or "shouldn't" eat. I can eat whenever I want, as long as I eat the appropriate amount of food for the level of hunger I'm feeling. I feel so much more in tune with my body this week, it's amazing.
Feels good to end the week on some positive notes. May/may not check-in over the next couple of days, so enjoy the weekend ladies & gents!
Last night, I tried my first Zumba class and. I. Friggin'. LOVE IT! Omg. I've had quite a few people tell me over the past few months that I should give it a try, including the owner at my [now] old gym. For no good reason, I just took everyone's excitement with a grain of salt.
I like to dance for fun, but never gave much thought to dance-based workouts. And in all honesty, I threw most of them into the "Lame" and/or "To Be Ignored" categories when it came to trying new fitness routines. Don't ask me why I thought this because I have absolutely no good reason, other than maybe I thought they wouldn't be challenging or worth my time... Yeah, I can be a jerk sometimes.
Well, I had previously made plans to go grocery shopping, but I also hadn't worked out yet and was on the fence about whether or not I wanted to. I was feeling pretty restless but not in the mood for treadmill or step mill stuff, or DVDs or magazine routines... So, I looked at the 24 Hour class schedule and whaddya know, a Zumba class was on for 5:30. Needless to say, my curiosity (and boredom) got the better of me, so after work I went home to change and made my way to the gym.
Once I figured out who the instructor was, I immediately thought that yes, maybe I could indeed benefit from this class. Why? Her ass was amazing. There was some old-school Michael Jackson playing while we waited for class to start, so that put me in a good mood while I did some stretching. As expected, the mic system was still out, but whatevs.
Unlike TurboKick, I think there was maybe only one other person besides me who was completely new to Zumba. That made me a little nervous, but again, whatevs. All nervousness quickly vanished as we got into the warm-up because I was totally workin' it! Within seconds, I thought "Omg! I can do this! This is actually fun! OMG!"
Definitely a small learning curve. And our instructor (Larissa) did a good job of giving us rundowns of each routine beforehand. Plus, the moves themselves were pretty basic, so it all felt really natural. That's not to say that I didn't completely f-up from time to time... I still can't comprehend Salsa. I've tried it a couple times before and the stepping just seems so difficult to me. Maybe I'm putting too much effort into it? I don't know.
Love, love, loved the whole workout (minus Salsa, haha). The soundtrack made it easy and fun. And the tempo helped me break out a respectable sweat.
The only downside is that I am completely sore and busted today. I still had some lingering soreness from TurboKick on Wednesday, so all of the extra squatting, hip-shaking and booty-rumping (yeah, I made that up) from Zumba has left me in pathetic shape today. At one point during last night's session, I felt the most miserable cramp in my right side that I actually said "Owwww!" out loud. Had to slow down a bit at that point. It's mostly my back and sides that are bothering me, but I think between walking around the grocery store tonight and taking some advil later, I should still be up for 24 S.E.T. tomorrow morning.
So now, not only am I a Group Fitness Class convert, I'm totally a Zumba convert. I'm already looking forward to next week's class! Still debating on doing it again on Tuesday, but I also want to try the 24 Cycle class too, so I need to pace myself! If I wasn't so sore and didn't have plans tonight, I would probably try Zumba again at 5:30, heh. It was so much fun! AHHH!
Anywho. So it would seem that I'm already getting my money's worth on my new membership just based on classes alone. I'm so glad I made the switch and finally decided to break my group-class prejudice. They aren't lame and the are fun and challenging. See what you've been missing all of these months, Stuffy Old Tam?
Food/Mindful Eating Progress
On the food front, I've made some progress this week as well. I only "discovered" it a couple of days ago, but instead of fighting my hunger or giving into it too much, I've finally put the following Mindful Moment tip from Eat What You Love into practice: If you're only a little bit hungry, you only need a little bit of food.
For so long (even up through the beginning of this weeK), I've fought with how many meals/snacks I should have throughout the day and when. Well, this week I decided to throw the idea of snacks and meals out the window, in a sense. My hunger patterns throughout the day vary slightly, but remain pretty consistent for the most part since my schedule rarely changes. That said, the past couple of days, I've found that breaking up my meals (particularly breakfast and lunch) into 2 parts seems to work pretty swell. Because when I do get hungry, I'm usually only a *little* bit hungry, not full-fledged starving. I think I got used to the idea of packing a lunch and eating all of that lunch at whatever time I designated as lunch time. It's not like I pack a ton of food, but by eating my entire lunch at once, I noticed I was full, but within the next couple of hours, I was kinda hungry or just feeling needy for some type of extra food.
By breaking my first two "meals" into two "parts" (or snacks, or mini-meals or whatever the heck you want to call them) I not only get the appropriate amount of fullness satisfaction, but also quite a bit of psychological satisfaction because I'm enjoying "more" foods over the course of the day ("more" being in quotes because I'm not actually adding more food at all and in some cases, am eliminating mindless and/or unnecessary snacks and nibbles).
For example, today I had a corn tortilla with 1/4 cup of egg whites and some diced tomato at around 7 am. I was indeed hungry, but still not quite ready for a full-fledged breakfast. And instead of forcing myself to not eat anything at all and going hungry for another couple of hours and having a full-fledged/complete breakfast around 9 am (like I had practiced the previous 2 weeks), I figured something small and light was fine for now and I would have something else later. A little after 9 am, my stomach started growling, as expected, so I finished "breakfast" with some Greek yogurt, Kashi cereal and some chia seeds.
At around 12, a little hungry again. Instead of having all of my lunch, I just had a slice of Flax Oatbran bread with berry jam. That's held me over so far, and in about another hour or so, I'll have the tuna/hummus/feta salad I also packed.
I know it probably sounds simple enough and probably not worth mentioning, but it's made quite a difference for me this week and has taken a lot of the guesswork (and stress) out of figuring out when I "should" or "shouldn't" eat. I can eat whenever I want, as long as I eat the appropriate amount of food for the level of hunger I'm feeling. I feel so much more in tune with my body this week, it's amazing.
Feels good to end the week on some positive notes. May/may not check-in over the next couple of days, so enjoy the weekend ladies & gents!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Could it get any better?
This week has ended on so many good notes, I'm just so happy to be alive. Probably sounds over-the-top, but it's true. Had a great morning workout, ate delicious food all day and even heard back from Dr. May about my book review that I posted this morning! I was really touched by her response. I'm just so grateful for her book and how it helped me, so sharing my feedback just seemed like the right thing to do.
After all of those warm fuzzies, life only got better at dinner time:
One of our favorite, easy go-to meals is grilled pork with some kind of veggie (usually zucchini or asparagus), onions and a sauce of some sort, served over couscous.
Well, tonight Doug took things up a notch. In tonight's mix:
You could use chicken or tofu, but there's just something about the flavor and texture of the pork that helps me find that happy place.
Not pictured are the beer and iced tea cocktail I had before dinner. Between those, the Pork-Veggie-Couscous Awesomeness and a new episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate on Food Network, this evening is officially a win.
Tomorrow, I plan on hitting the gym in the morning, trying out some oat bran for breakfast and seeing Chelsea Handler in Denver. Oh, and eating leftover Pork-Veggie-Couscous Awesomeness, duh.
Happy Weekend!
After all of those warm fuzzies, life only got better at dinner time:
One of our favorite, easy go-to meals is grilled pork with some kind of veggie (usually zucchini or asparagus), onions and a sauce of some sort, served over couscous.
Well, tonight Doug took things up a notch. In tonight's mix:
- diced boneless pork chops
- asparagus
- onions
- garlic
- ginger
- Famous Dave's Sweet & Zesty BBQ sauce
- Teriyaki sauce
- Pineapple tidbits
- crushed red pepper
You could use chicken or tofu, but there's just something about the flavor and texture of the pork that helps me find that happy place.
Not pictured are the beer and iced tea cocktail I had before dinner. Between those, the Pork-Veggie-Couscous Awesomeness and a new episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate on Food Network, this evening is officially a win.
Tomorrow, I plan on hitting the gym in the morning, trying out some oat bran for breakfast and seeing Chelsea Handler in Denver. Oh, and eating leftover Pork-Veggie-Couscous Awesomeness, duh.
Happy Weekend!
Eat What You Love.
Since I have no new pics to share, I guess I'll go with an impromptu review of a book I just finished reading:
Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle, by Dr. Michelle May.
Once my binge eating hit in November and continued into January, I was painfully aware (both physically and mentally) that I had a problem and I needed help. Now, yes, seeing a therapist should've been my first move, but as much as I wanted to seek counseling, I simply couldn't (and still can't) afford it. And I'm certainly not ruling it out as an option in the future, but for this particular time in my life, I needed something to guide me through my feelings and help me navigate through the terrible cycle of binging (and sometimes, purging) and into a peaceful, healthy place. I wasn't expecting to be "cured" by a single book either, but I was still desperate for some sort of basic direction. And, eating disorder aside, I also knew I didn't want to count points or calories for the rest of my life. I just wanted to eat like a normal person and not have to constantly freak out over food. I want to, dare I say it, live.
This book has helped me so much, in so many ways, I'm almost out of words. (Almost... I still managed to think up a few.)
Within the first couple of chapters, Dr. May quickly identified 3 eating behavior cycles (Overeating, Restrictive and Instinctive) and how, by taking small but meaningful steps, you can eventually move toward mindful, balanced eating. I personally followed the overeating and restrictive cycles for yeeears, even as I started losing weight.
It was kind of painful to read certain paragraphs sometimes because some of the behaviors she talks about are identical to the ones I've experienced ever since I became aware of my weight as being an issue. While I'm thankful for dieting as a means of helping me shed 90 pounds, in the end, it really fucked up my attitude toward and relationship with food.
Within this book, you learn why it's important not to assign "good" or "bad" labels to certain foods, how & why obsessively tracking every last calorie or point can actually backfire (which it totally did, in my experience) and why you should never "punish" yourself or earn the right to eat certain foods by exercising (guilty as charged, once again).
After getting schooled on how dieting screwed up my eating behaviors, Dr. May then walked me through how to eat more instinctively and mindfully. She explains how to reconnect with your natural hunger cues so that you only eat when you're hungry (mind-blowing, eh?) and when you do eat, you eat foods that both bring you pleasure and nourishment so you're left completely satisfied.
She also talks about fitness and why you should pursue it for the points of bettering your health and feeling good, not out of guilt for eating food.
I had so many "duh!" moments as I read this book. Everything Dr. May says about how and why you should eat and exercise is pretty simple, but it also made so much sense, which is why I found this book so comforting AND empowering. EWYL makes it perfectly clear that you don't have to struggle with food. You can eat and live a balanced, healthy, fulfilling life, without guilt or self-induced pressure.
The last few chapters are designed for people who are more or less clueless about what kind of healthy foods to eat and how to start exercising, so I pretty much skimmed through those parts. She then closes the book with a ton of great recipes (her husband is a spa chef, so there ya go).
Love, love, love this book. And glad I actually purchased it instead of checking it out at the library. There are so many "Mindful Moment" tips throughout the book that I made note of, for future reference. Like I said before, I am in no way "cured" by this book, so I feel good knowing that I can re-read certain paragraphs in the future whenever I start to doubt myself and feel anxious about eating.
After reading this book, I've no doubt changed my tune about what it means to live a healthy lifestyle. While I preached for years (over 2, literally) about calories this and Weight Watchers Points that, I feel so liberated in giving those concepts the middle finger now, for the most part. Now, I know there are people who read this blog who are in fact tracking calories and/or points in order to meet and manage their weight goals, so please don't take this as a personal attack. I don't mean to offend and I certainly don't intend to dissuade you from your current process of weight-loss/management.
As long as you feel your current approach to eating and fitness is balanced and healthy (and not stressing you out or causing unhealthy behaviors), by all means, keep it up!
Am I thankful for Weight Watchers and calorie counting for helping me lose all of that weight? Of course! Doing so changed my life.
But after reaching that long built-up "goal," I quickly became overwhelmed. "Can I be more 'free' to eat 'bad' foods more often? Do I still need to track this? Do I still have to work out extra hard to eat that? Can I just eat whatever I want?"
While WW is quick to say that their program is not a diet and is indeed a lifestyle change, I was starting to find that despite what I said 90 pounds ago, I can't (and simply don't want to) count points for the rest of my life. But I still want to be healthy. EWYL showed me that there is indeed a middle-ground.
"Yeah right, Tam. You're just using this book as an excuse to eat junk and not feel guilty about it." Did I at first? Yeah, maybe a little bit. But as I read on, I realized that that's soooo not the goal of the book at all. And really, it doesn't take long to feel the effects of eating not-so-nutritious food. I don't feel like I have to eat healthier foods. I'm in a place now where I truly enjoy them; eating better leaves me feeling better. But am I going to lash myself, verbally, mentally and physically next time I have a piece of not-so-nutritious cake? Hells to the no! One of my favorite Mindful Moments (out of like, 30):
When you are free to eat whatever you want, food quickly loses its power over you. You are able to eat anything, without eating everything.
One of Dr. May's main messages is learning how to be in charge, not simply "in control." It's a message that resonates throughout the whole book and I'm happy to say that I'm finally learning what it means (and feels like).
So, do I recommend this book? Well, of course I want to say, "YES! YES! YES! EVERYONE READ THIS BOOK!" but I know that it is indeed not for everyone. But if you feel that you might be caught in an eating and/or exercise cycle that is constantly leaving stressed, guilty and/or hungry, I would definitely invite you to at least check out the EWYL Blog and even download the book's first chapter (PDF). If you feel an immediate connection with the material (*raises hand*), either head to the library or make your way to Amazon.
When I first sought out support for my binge eating, the results were a bit overwhelming. And there are indeed a ton of other books out there on similar subjects, so I'm glad I found this one. Dr. May's tone didn't intimidate or annoy me, which was something I expected for some silly reason. She doesn't get overly preachy or contradictory; she simply speaks from her own experience (as well as the experiences from others) and provides you with simple, truthful knowledge aimed at giving you what you need most: help and support.
Thank you, Dr. May. If this book helped me, I'm confident that it's helped others and will continue to do so.
Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle, by Dr. Michelle May.
Once my binge eating hit in November and continued into January, I was painfully aware (both physically and mentally) that I had a problem and I needed help. Now, yes, seeing a therapist should've been my first move, but as much as I wanted to seek counseling, I simply couldn't (and still can't) afford it. And I'm certainly not ruling it out as an option in the future, but for this particular time in my life, I needed something to guide me through my feelings and help me navigate through the terrible cycle of binging (and sometimes, purging) and into a peaceful, healthy place. I wasn't expecting to be "cured" by a single book either, but I was still desperate for some sort of basic direction. And, eating disorder aside, I also knew I didn't want to count points or calories for the rest of my life. I just wanted to eat like a normal person and not have to constantly freak out over food. I want to, dare I say it, live.
This book has helped me so much, in so many ways, I'm almost out of words. (Almost... I still managed to think up a few.)
Within the first couple of chapters, Dr. May quickly identified 3 eating behavior cycles (Overeating, Restrictive and Instinctive) and how, by taking small but meaningful steps, you can eventually move toward mindful, balanced eating. I personally followed the overeating and restrictive cycles for yeeears, even as I started losing weight.
It was kind of painful to read certain paragraphs sometimes because some of the behaviors she talks about are identical to the ones I've experienced ever since I became aware of my weight as being an issue. While I'm thankful for dieting as a means of helping me shed 90 pounds, in the end, it really fucked up my attitude toward and relationship with food.
Within this book, you learn why it's important not to assign "good" or "bad" labels to certain foods, how & why obsessively tracking every last calorie or point can actually backfire (which it totally did, in my experience) and why you should never "punish" yourself or earn the right to eat certain foods by exercising (guilty as charged, once again).
After getting schooled on how dieting screwed up my eating behaviors, Dr. May then walked me through how to eat more instinctively and mindfully. She explains how to reconnect with your natural hunger cues so that you only eat when you're hungry (mind-blowing, eh?) and when you do eat, you eat foods that both bring you pleasure and nourishment so you're left completely satisfied.
She also talks about fitness and why you should pursue it for the points of bettering your health and feeling good, not out of guilt for eating food.
I had so many "duh!" moments as I read this book. Everything Dr. May says about how and why you should eat and exercise is pretty simple, but it also made so much sense, which is why I found this book so comforting AND empowering. EWYL makes it perfectly clear that you don't have to struggle with food. You can eat and live a balanced, healthy, fulfilling life, without guilt or self-induced pressure.
The last few chapters are designed for people who are more or less clueless about what kind of healthy foods to eat and how to start exercising, so I pretty much skimmed through those parts. She then closes the book with a ton of great recipes (her husband is a spa chef, so there ya go).
Love, love, love this book. And glad I actually purchased it instead of checking it out at the library. There are so many "Mindful Moment" tips throughout the book that I made note of, for future reference. Like I said before, I am in no way "cured" by this book, so I feel good knowing that I can re-read certain paragraphs in the future whenever I start to doubt myself and feel anxious about eating.
After reading this book, I've no doubt changed my tune about what it means to live a healthy lifestyle. While I preached for years (over 2, literally) about calories this and Weight Watchers Points that, I feel so liberated in giving those concepts the middle finger now, for the most part. Now, I know there are people who read this blog who are in fact tracking calories and/or points in order to meet and manage their weight goals, so please don't take this as a personal attack. I don't mean to offend and I certainly don't intend to dissuade you from your current process of weight-loss/management.
As long as you feel your current approach to eating and fitness is balanced and healthy (and not stressing you out or causing unhealthy behaviors), by all means, keep it up!
Am I thankful for Weight Watchers and calorie counting for helping me lose all of that weight? Of course! Doing so changed my life.
But after reaching that long built-up "goal," I quickly became overwhelmed. "Can I be more 'free' to eat 'bad' foods more often? Do I still need to track this? Do I still have to work out extra hard to eat that? Can I just eat whatever I want?"
While WW is quick to say that their program is not a diet and is indeed a lifestyle change, I was starting to find that despite what I said 90 pounds ago, I can't (and simply don't want to) count points for the rest of my life. But I still want to be healthy. EWYL showed me that there is indeed a middle-ground.
"Yeah right, Tam. You're just using this book as an excuse to eat junk and not feel guilty about it." Did I at first? Yeah, maybe a little bit. But as I read on, I realized that that's soooo not the goal of the book at all. And really, it doesn't take long to feel the effects of eating not-so-nutritious food. I don't feel like I have to eat healthier foods. I'm in a place now where I truly enjoy them; eating better leaves me feeling better. But am I going to lash myself, verbally, mentally and physically next time I have a piece of not-so-nutritious cake? Hells to the no! One of my favorite Mindful Moments (out of like, 30):
When you are free to eat whatever you want, food quickly loses its power over you. You are able to eat anything, without eating everything.
One of Dr. May's main messages is learning how to be in charge, not simply "in control." It's a message that resonates throughout the whole book and I'm happy to say that I'm finally learning what it means (and feels like).
So, do I recommend this book? Well, of course I want to say, "YES! YES! YES! EVERYONE READ THIS BOOK!" but I know that it is indeed not for everyone. But if you feel that you might be caught in an eating and/or exercise cycle that is constantly leaving stressed, guilty and/or hungry, I would definitely invite you to at least check out the EWYL Blog and even download the book's first chapter (PDF). If you feel an immediate connection with the material (*raises hand*), either head to the library or make your way to Amazon.
When I first sought out support for my binge eating, the results were a bit overwhelming. And there are indeed a ton of other books out there on similar subjects, so I'm glad I found this one. Dr. May's tone didn't intimidate or annoy me, which was something I expected for some silly reason. She doesn't get overly preachy or contradictory; she simply speaks from her own experience (as well as the experiences from others) and provides you with simple, truthful knowledge aimed at giving you what you need most: help and support.
Thank you, Dr. May. If this book helped me, I'm confident that it's helped others and will continue to do so.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Normal eating is pretty awesome.
After much debate, D and I decided on Domino's Pizza for dinner. They're having a special on medium pizzas (two mediums, two toppings, 5.99 each) and we've been wanting to try the "new" recipe.
I ordered one with spinach & mushrooms. And no, I didn't eat the whole thing! In fact, that's what I'm excited about. I ate 2 slices and stopped. Not by forcing myself, not by debating whether or not I should, etc. I simply did a quick check-in with my stomach and found that it was satisfied. I also reminded myself that the rest pizza wasn't going to magically disappear overnight if I didn't finish it all at once right now. In fact, I could break it up into multiple servings and enjoy it even loooonger! What a concept, eh? (And I can't take all the credit; still reading Eat What You Love and it's been a great resource so far.)
I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but I can't remember the last time I stopped at 2 slices of pizza. Not even joking. My thought process around pizza always went something like this: 1) Cool, have two slices! 2)... Eh, a third slice will be okay. 3)......I'll go ahead and have a fourth slice, but I'll just work out harder tomorrow and restrict my calories the rest of the week [and feel miserable and guilty].
But tonight? It was so much easier to just be satisfied and move on. No thoughts running back and forth in my head, no stress, no compromises, no regret.
Anywho. Just had to share. Between that and my run earlier this morning, I'm just a happy gal right now. A productive and satisfying day. Woo!
Not pictured is a glass of red wine and one of the Buffalo Chicken Kickers that Doug ordered. Eh, basically a spicy chicken nugget. As for the pizza and the new recipe, it was alright. The crust was really good, but I think I got stiffed on the sauce. I don't like tons of sauce on pizza, but this pie seemed to have less than usual. Ah well. I forgot about it once I sprinkled on some crushed red pepper and parmesan.
So that was dinner. And it will be lunch tomorrow. And probably dinner again, heh. I got a bunch of new fitness DVDs today, so I plan to do a follow-up post tomorrow morning (so stoked- I think I got some good ones!)
Gotta go; weigh-in time on Biggest Loser!
I ordered one with spinach & mushrooms. And no, I didn't eat the whole thing! In fact, that's what I'm excited about. I ate 2 slices and stopped. Not by forcing myself, not by debating whether or not I should, etc. I simply did a quick check-in with my stomach and found that it was satisfied. I also reminded myself that the rest pizza wasn't going to magically disappear overnight if I didn't finish it all at once right now. In fact, I could break it up into multiple servings and enjoy it even loooonger! What a concept, eh? (And I can't take all the credit; still reading Eat What You Love and it's been a great resource so far.)
I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but I can't remember the last time I stopped at 2 slices of pizza. Not even joking. My thought process around pizza always went something like this: 1) Cool, have two slices! 2)... Eh, a third slice will be okay. 3)......I'll go ahead and have a fourth slice, but I'll just work out harder tomorrow and restrict my calories the rest of the week [and feel miserable and guilty].
But tonight? It was so much easier to just be satisfied and move on. No thoughts running back and forth in my head, no stress, no compromises, no regret.
Anywho. Just had to share. Between that and my run earlier this morning, I'm just a happy gal right now. A productive and satisfying day. Woo!
Not pictured is a glass of red wine and one of the Buffalo Chicken Kickers that Doug ordered. Eh, basically a spicy chicken nugget. As for the pizza and the new recipe, it was alright. The crust was really good, but I think I got stiffed on the sauce. I don't like tons of sauce on pizza, but this pie seemed to have less than usual. Ah well. I forgot about it once I sprinkled on some crushed red pepper and parmesan.
So that was dinner. And it will be lunch tomorrow. And probably dinner again, heh. I got a bunch of new fitness DVDs today, so I plan to do a follow-up post tomorrow morning (so stoked- I think I got some good ones!)
Gotta go; weigh-in time on Biggest Loser!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wheat grass, DVDs, recipes and other schtuff.
Today's post is kinda all over the place, but I'll try to keep it as organized as possible!
Wheat grass.
First off, let me just state that I have officially jumped on the Amazing Grass bandwagon. I've read about it on a few of my favorite blogs for the past few months and finally gave it a try. I bought some samples from Whole Foods last night and I'm officially hooked. That said, I have massive amounts of the stuff (in the berry, chocolate and regular green flavors) on order from Amazon. Was it one of those impulsive [expensive] purchases? Yes. Do I care? Not so much (even less so, after filing my taxes this morning and seeing how much of a refund is coming my way! Gotta love that extra cash-money from ol' Uncle Sam each year).
I've always liked the flavor of wheat grass, so I'm excited to mix up this powder in all sorts of smoothies or enjoy it by itself. Last night I mixed a packet with some chocolate almond milk and this morning I tried it with just water. Dug the taste prepared both ways. I must admit, I enjoy it more with a *little bit* of sweetener. I'm a fan of the sweetness. What can I say?
It's still a bit early to tell if I've experienced the numerous health benefits it boasts, but I must say, after falling asleep after 11 pm last night, I woke up pretty damn refreshed at 5 am this morning. Like, noticeably refreshed. I told myself last night that if I was too tired at 5 am to work out, I would go ahead and give myself a rest day, but once I sat up to turn off the alarm, I felt like I could tackle some 30 Day Shred. And I did just that. Levels 2 and 3, even.
Was it the wheat grass shot from the night before? Placebo effect? Who knows. But I do know that, despite how long I've been doing early morning workouts, I'm usually groggy at that hour and still totally not a morning person.
I plan on consuming AG daily once my shipment arrives, so I'll keep you all posted on any changes I notice over the next few weeks.
DVDs.
While adding copious amounts of wheat grass powder to my Amazon shopping cart, I also threw in some new fitness DVDs that have been getting some buzz lately:
and
I'm not gonna lie- Jari Love just looks creepy and a little too thin to me on that cover, but based on what I've read, it's a challenging DVD that's supposed to deliver. We shall see!
As for Cardio Kick, I've just been itching to do some kick boxing lately. The last few Tae Bo DVDs I got were just disappointing overall (too many ridiculous moves packed into one workout, too much use of the 'body bands,' etc.), so it's time to try something new. I think this will be a good fit.
Reviews of those to follow in the next week or so as well. I'm still hitting the gym and mixing in yoga, but even between the gym and all of my equipment at home, I still get bored with my workout routines from time to time. And seeing as how I like [and dislike] to get my workouts over and done with early in the a.m., I need to mix things up to keep me motivated. I hope these new DVDs will do the trick.
Recipes.
Couple of recipes to share:
-Tuna & Chickpea Salad with Pesto. Oh. My. God. I made this the other night and it turned out just awesome. Probably because it required no actual cooking and called for easy, tasty ingredients, heh. Doug's not a fan of bell peppers, so I substituted those with some sun-dried tomatoes (the dry ones- not the kind packed in oil). I also sprinkled some fat-free feta on top. Deliciousness. In fact, I need to start wrapping this post up because I brought leftovers for lunch!
-Chicken & Bok Choy Stir Fry. Haven't actually tried this one yet, but it's on the menu for dinner tonight. I picked up some bok choy at the store the other night, so all of the ingredients are patiently waiting in the kitchen. Just looking at the ingredient list, I'm confident that it'll taste pretty darn good.
Schtuff.
This week is shaping up to be one of the best weeks I've had in a while. It started out semi-rough, but gradually got better each day. My workouts were steady and left me feeling strong, my food intake has been balanced (and sooo tasty!), my "food-mood," as I like to call it, is finally starting to mellow out and I'm starting to feel like myself again. The previous binging episodes from the past few months made me feel like a stranger in my own body. I know it probably sounds silly, but for a while there, I felt like I lost my identity because I was stuck in this messy state of all around unhealthiness. I was eating crap, felt like crap and for whatever reason(s), couldn't bring myself to care enough to break the cycle of crap.
Eating mindfully takes practice (more so than I originally thought), but I'm definitely starting to get the hang of it. I'm still reading Eat What You Love... and eachchapter paragraph reaffirms that I'm totally capable of having a sane relationship with food and that I deserve any health & happiness that results from said relationship.
Yeah, yeah, I started to get all lovey-dovey-hippy-ish in that last bit, but it's true. And I'm finally starting to realize how imperative it is to just stop being a wuss and start being honest about my feelings ;D
Wheat grass.
First off, let me just state that I have officially jumped on the Amazing Grass bandwagon. I've read about it on a few of my favorite blogs for the past few months and finally gave it a try. I bought some samples from Whole Foods last night and I'm officially hooked. That said, I have massive amounts of the stuff (in the berry, chocolate and regular green flavors) on order from Amazon. Was it one of those impulsive [expensive] purchases? Yes. Do I care? Not so much (even less so, after filing my taxes this morning and seeing how much of a refund is coming my way! Gotta love that extra cash-money from ol' Uncle Sam each year).
I've always liked the flavor of wheat grass, so I'm excited to mix up this powder in all sorts of smoothies or enjoy it by itself. Last night I mixed a packet with some chocolate almond milk and this morning I tried it with just water. Dug the taste prepared both ways. I must admit, I enjoy it more with a *little bit* of sweetener. I'm a fan of the sweetness. What can I say?
It's still a bit early to tell if I've experienced the numerous health benefits it boasts, but I must say, after falling asleep after 11 pm last night, I woke up pretty damn refreshed at 5 am this morning. Like, noticeably refreshed. I told myself last night that if I was too tired at 5 am to work out, I would go ahead and give myself a rest day, but once I sat up to turn off the alarm, I felt like I could tackle some 30 Day Shred. And I did just that. Levels 2 and 3, even.
Was it the wheat grass shot from the night before? Placebo effect? Who knows. But I do know that, despite how long I've been doing early morning workouts, I'm usually groggy at that hour and still totally not a morning person.
I plan on consuming AG daily once my shipment arrives, so I'll keep you all posted on any changes I notice over the next few weeks.
DVDs.
While adding copious amounts of wheat grass powder to my Amazon shopping cart, I also threw in some new fitness DVDs that have been getting some buzz lately:
and
I'm not gonna lie- Jari Love just looks creepy and a little too thin to me on that cover, but based on what I've read, it's a challenging DVD that's supposed to deliver. We shall see!
As for Cardio Kick, I've just been itching to do some kick boxing lately. The last few Tae Bo DVDs I got were just disappointing overall (too many ridiculous moves packed into one workout, too much use of the 'body bands,' etc.), so it's time to try something new. I think this will be a good fit.
Reviews of those to follow in the next week or so as well. I'm still hitting the gym and mixing in yoga, but even between the gym and all of my equipment at home, I still get bored with my workout routines from time to time. And seeing as how I like [and dislike] to get my workouts over and done with early in the a.m., I need to mix things up to keep me motivated. I hope these new DVDs will do the trick.
Recipes.
Couple of recipes to share:
-Tuna & Chickpea Salad with Pesto. Oh. My. God. I made this the other night and it turned out just awesome. Probably because it required no actual cooking and called for easy, tasty ingredients, heh. Doug's not a fan of bell peppers, so I substituted those with some sun-dried tomatoes (the dry ones- not the kind packed in oil). I also sprinkled some fat-free feta on top. Deliciousness. In fact, I need to start wrapping this post up because I brought leftovers for lunch!
-Chicken & Bok Choy Stir Fry. Haven't actually tried this one yet, but it's on the menu for dinner tonight. I picked up some bok choy at the store the other night, so all of the ingredients are patiently waiting in the kitchen. Just looking at the ingredient list, I'm confident that it'll taste pretty darn good.
Schtuff.
This week is shaping up to be one of the best weeks I've had in a while. It started out semi-rough, but gradually got better each day. My workouts were steady and left me feeling strong, my food intake has been balanced (and sooo tasty!), my "food-mood," as I like to call it, is finally starting to mellow out and I'm starting to feel like myself again. The previous binging episodes from the past few months made me feel like a stranger in my own body. I know it probably sounds silly, but for a while there, I felt like I lost my identity because I was stuck in this messy state of all around unhealthiness. I was eating crap, felt like crap and for whatever reason(s), couldn't bring myself to care enough to break the cycle of crap.
Eating mindfully takes practice (more so than I originally thought), but I'm definitely starting to get the hang of it. I'm still reading Eat What You Love... and each
Yeah, yeah, I started to get all lovey-dovey-hippy-ish in that last bit, but it's true. And I'm finally starting to realize how imperative it is to just stop being a wuss and start being honest about my feelings ;D
Monday, January 25, 2010
Adventures in BabyFood-ing.
This past weekend, I came across a nice little addition to change up my meals: baby food.
Perhaps I should back up and provide a little explanation first... Doug needed some small glass jars for one of his art classes and decided that baby food jars would be the perfect size, while also remaining pretty darn cheap. So, we went to the baby section at the store and picked out a few flavors. I must admit, when my younger sister was born, my curiosity got the better of me and I found myself sampling some of her baby food and remembered that some of it (mostly the fruit-based varieties) wasn't half bad.
Not ones to waste food, we picked out flavors that we would actually eat. I got sweet potatoes and tried them yesterday with lunch. I added some cinnamon, splenda, Special K granola and some raisins. Still tasted like sweet potatoes, but in pureé form, so I think I'll get some more and try it with oatmeal. I think it would also work well when baking quick breads or pancakes/waffles.
This morning's breakfast was even better. The other flavor I picked was oatmeal with applesauce & bananas. I mixed it with some cottage cheese, cinnamon, ground flax seed and a bit of Splenda. OMG! Soooo good! I know it sounds like a weird combo, but I'm always experimenting with cottage cheese mix-ins and so far, this is probably one of the better ones. Needless to say, baby food will now be a part of future grocery lists, despite the fact that I have no babies and don't plan on having any.
As for the weekend overall, it was good. I overate a bit here and there, but no out-of-control binges. I also kept up with my workouts and felt pretty good. I managed to avoid a binge yesterday whilst at the grocery store; temptation was everywhere (especially with all of the Valentine's Day candy out), but instead of wasting money (and later guilt, shame and calories) on unnecessary crap, I bought fresh spinach, more Jazz apples, some organic cinnamon raisin bread that was on sale and a sample of almond butter. Instead of simply "treating myself," I decided to treat myself better. This meant enjoying fresh fruits and veggies and trying new healthy products (like almond butter).
I left the store junk-free and went home to make quite possibly one of the best pizzas I've had in a while (low-fat/high fiber tortilla, mozzarella, spinach, red onion, tomatoes, mushrooms, parmesan, garlic, italian seasoning and feta). It was delicious, filling and a reminder of how healthy foods can also be indulgent. In fact, I plan on repeating that meal for dinner today!
Tonight, I'm going to read more of a new book, Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat. The first chapter quickly pointed out my current eating patterns and the feelings attached to them, so I'm anxious to read more. I know it probably sounds silly, but one of my main goals in life is to become a mindful, instinctive eater. I'm terribly jealous of people who are naturally instinctive in their eating habits, so I hope that by reading this book, I'll not only learn what it takes to eat instinctively, but also stop being jealous and focus my attention to other things in life besides food and exercise.
Recovery is bound to be a long journey, but it felt good to finally make some progress this past week.
Perhaps I should back up and provide a little explanation first... Doug needed some small glass jars for one of his art classes and decided that baby food jars would be the perfect size, while also remaining pretty darn cheap. So, we went to the baby section at the store and picked out a few flavors. I must admit, when my younger sister was born, my curiosity got the better of me and I found myself sampling some of her baby food and remembered that some of it (mostly the fruit-based varieties) wasn't half bad.
Not ones to waste food, we picked out flavors that we would actually eat. I got sweet potatoes and tried them yesterday with lunch. I added some cinnamon, splenda, Special K granola and some raisins. Still tasted like sweet potatoes, but in pureé form, so I think I'll get some more and try it with oatmeal. I think it would also work well when baking quick breads or pancakes/waffles.
This morning's breakfast was even better. The other flavor I picked was oatmeal with applesauce & bananas. I mixed it with some cottage cheese, cinnamon, ground flax seed and a bit of Splenda. OMG! Soooo good! I know it sounds like a weird combo, but I'm always experimenting with cottage cheese mix-ins and so far, this is probably one of the better ones. Needless to say, baby food will now be a part of future grocery lists, despite the fact that I have no babies and don't plan on having any.
As for the weekend overall, it was good. I overate a bit here and there, but no out-of-control binges. I also kept up with my workouts and felt pretty good. I managed to avoid a binge yesterday whilst at the grocery store; temptation was everywhere (especially with all of the Valentine's Day candy out), but instead of wasting money (and later guilt, shame and calories) on unnecessary crap, I bought fresh spinach, more Jazz apples, some organic cinnamon raisin bread that was on sale and a sample of almond butter. Instead of simply "treating myself," I decided to treat myself better. This meant enjoying fresh fruits and veggies and trying new healthy products (like almond butter).
I left the store junk-free and went home to make quite possibly one of the best pizzas I've had in a while (low-fat/high fiber tortilla, mozzarella, spinach, red onion, tomatoes, mushrooms, parmesan, garlic, italian seasoning and feta). It was delicious, filling and a reminder of how healthy foods can also be indulgent. In fact, I plan on repeating that meal for dinner today!
Tonight, I'm going to read more of a new book, Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat. The first chapter quickly pointed out my current eating patterns and the feelings attached to them, so I'm anxious to read more. I know it probably sounds silly, but one of my main goals in life is to become a mindful, instinctive eater. I'm terribly jealous of people who are naturally instinctive in their eating habits, so I hope that by reading this book, I'll not only learn what it takes to eat instinctively, but also stop being jealous and focus my attention to other things in life besides food and exercise.
Recovery is bound to be a long journey, but it felt good to finally make some progress this past week.
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