Be, don't Get.

This morning, I came across a quote from a Fit-Bottomed Girls interview with Cat Cora that struck a chord within me:

"Make being an active, healthy person a part of who you are. Don’t look at it as a task or something that has to get checked off everyday. Once it’s ingrained in your daily lifestyle, it’s something you look forward to and you never dread having to get your workout in."

I think allowing "healthy" to become a part of me, rather than just an extension, has always been an internal conflict of mine.

When I first decided to finally lose weight a few years ago, I made the simple claim that I needed to "lose weight and get healthy." Makes sense, right? But I'm starting to realize that there's a difference between "getting healthy" and being healthy. For me, to "get" healthy implies that the healthy state will only last temporarily; being a healthy person implies that the healthy state will be infinite because it's not something that can easily be taken away, just like a sense of humor, or any other internal trait that defines you. (Yes, good health can easily be taken away with daily cheeseburgers and zero exercise, but just humor me and play along, eh?)

As I'm writing this post, it also occurred to me that although levels of health can fluctuate, it never goes away completely (until you die, obviously). Everyone is living in their own unique state of health, some better than others, depending on how well they eat and how much they exercise.

Cat Cora's quote, obviously promoting the ideal/high-quality level of health, felt like a light slap in the face. Even though I've been fairly consistent over the past few years in making better food choices and increasing my physical activity, most days, I treat these acts as tasks; something I have to do. Now, there are exceptions of course, like cooking a particular healthy meal because I think it tastes good and replenishes my body well, not so much because it has a certain number of calories. But still, for the most part (ESPECIALLY with working out), doing the necessary things to be healthy usually feel like chores to me. If I don't do my chores regularly, my body will get "messy." And because of this mindset, there is usually a certain level of dread when I'm chopping onions or alternating squats with lunges.

Most of the time, that level of dread is pretty low; it's certainly not debilitating, but it's still there nonetheless. And it's there because of the way I choose to think about health's role in my life.

Because I haven't taken the time to sit down and really look at what it means to me to be healthy, I tend to struggle more than I should with regular food and fitness funks. When I was overweight, I'd look at healthy people and couldn't see myself ever being "one of them." And even when I daydreamed about being thin and what it would take to get there (e.g., dieting and exercise), I didn't realistically figure health into the equation. I didn't open myself to the possibility that I'd experience a deeper internal change that involved embracing good health as a part of me. I just looked at health as an external benefit, on par with fitting into smaller clothes.

So this week (and the weeks to come), I'm going to put more thought and effort into changing the way I look at being healthy. I know that some days, it's still gonna suck, waking up at 5 am to get in a workout, but if I can at least change my attitude and not look at it as something I have to do, rather something I just DO because it's a [cool] part of who I am, perhaps it'll suck less and less and at least put a smile on my face.

Quoting close to home.

I wasn't planning on blogging today, but I read a quote just a few seconds ago that really resonated with me:

"I'm so grateful that I don't get on a scale because it's never going to be the right number."

-Kyra Sedgwick

This quote didn't stop me in my tracks because I found it particularly motivational or life-changing, but because it caused me to flashback to the day I reached my "goal" weight.

It was a great day. I gushed to friends and family and received their congratulatory comments with open arms. But y'know what? I have something to confess: When I stepped on that scale and saw 157, I was happy for less than 10 seconds and thought "I can and need to lose more!" And I did. And I couldn't maintain that weight. And I started to gain. And I kept weighing myself. And kept hating myself. Forget that I was no longer obese, a regular runner, a better cook, more energized and no longer at risk for diabetes. I didn't give a shit about any of that because all I could see were those numbers on the scale. And I, like countless others, allowed those numbers to dictate my happiness.

So Ms. Sedgwick is completely right, and almost painfully so. The numbers will never be right. Yes, I needed to see the numbers regularly to pull me down from 248, but did I need to see them every week day when I was hovering around 150? Not so much.

I'm not anti-scale. I currently have two in my house. They serve a purpose and I'll never preach that they're completely useless. But I haven't stepped on one in over a month and don't plan on stepping on one until my annual physical next month. I'll look at the number. It'll be greater than last year's number. But that's something I've known for a while now and seeing it in a doctor's office doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that I still run, am still not obese, still cooking with healthier, more wholesome foods and still not at risk for diabetes.

I will step on scales in the future. But certainly not every day or every week, which I totally used to do.

For me, weight-loss has been a double-edged sword. Obviously, the big pros were becoming healthy and trimming down significantly. But the cons include developing a handful of unhealthy, obsessive, counter-productive behaviors that have sunk their claws in deep and have made maintenance a bitch. I knew losing a significant amount of weight was going to be a long, tough journey, but I was in no way prepared for the new journey that followed. I wasn't prepared to discover how some of my previous "healthy habits" would start to work against me. I wasn't prepared to start binging. I wasn't prepared to re-learn how to eat. I wasn't prepared to let go of guilt. I wasn't prepared to hear mixed reactions from family members (something I'm still dealing with, as recent as two weeks ago). Lots of not-so-glamorous shit that I simply wasn't prepared for, at all.

But I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I'm still dealing with various post-weight loss issues, I think I can do without having the scale regularly thrown into that mix. I don't want the scale and I to be enemies, but I don't want to be BFFs either. Scale, you have been demoted to casual acquaintance. Hope that's cool.

I can dig it.

Saw this ad linked from another site:



(click the image for original post.)

Definitely needed to see this today. I forgot to mention in my last post that I plan on running more throughout the week, even if it's just a mile a day. My speed was a bit sluggish this morning and trying to tackle 3-5 mile runs 1 or 2 times a week isn't the best approach. It's not terrible of course, but I think smaller, more frequent runs will get me back to speed (pun intended) and make future longer runs less grueling. I can't wait for the mornings to start warming up so I can hit my favorite trail!

Exercising your demons.

One of the regular health sites I follow is That's Fit, as they have a lot of great articles and success stories. Today's story was about a young man named Leon and I just got all happy and inspired reading about his experience.

The first thing that hooked me was learning that his father died at age 29 and that that was the main thing that finally got him to lose weight. I guess knowing your family has a low life expectancy due to heart disease and weight problems is one thing, but actually taking action and fighting it is what makes a difference. I guess I related to this on a personal level because diabetes is highly prevalent on both sides of my family. But the thing that drives me insane is how some (well most, really) of my relatives just accept diabetes as "running in the family" and therefore make little to no attempt to change their diet, exercise more and maintain a healthy weight. They'd rather just eat the wrongs foods, shoot up insulin and hope for the best. It doesn't have to be that way! I get so angry (and sad) thinking about how much control people have over their own lives (and health!), but how they'd rather just put things on auto-pilot and go down unhealthy paths that they don't necessarily have to go down. Sigh. But I digress...

The second thing about Leon's story that really resonated with me was his new attitude toward exercise. It just put a smile on my face. Even though he still has a lot of weight to lose, he's totally embracing the benefits of exercise with open arms (I know I wouldn't walk the Brooklyn Bridge in 15 degree weather!). My favorite thing he said in the interview:

"My emotional eating has turned into emotional exercising."

Reading that particular line really made me pause and re-focus on my own food and fitness goals. Although I've been working out regularly and haven't emotionally ate in quite sometime, I still needed to be reminded that it's important to keep up exercise and a healthy diet for the right reasons (i.e., disease prevention, emotional balance, physical endurance, etc.), not just to fit in smaller clothes.

I know there are probably a lot of weight-loss stories out there that are almost identical to Leon's, but I guess I'm just glad I read his when I did because it ended up being quite poignant this particular morning.

Three-minute cookies & 3 second revelations.

Before I get all serious and heartfelt, I HAVE to spread the word about my new favorite recipe, the 3-minute Oatmeal Cookie, thanks to Tina from Carrots 'n' Cake. I tried it this morning for breakfast because I actually had raisins for once and it was basically like eating a warm, fluffy and hearty treat. Made for a great post-workout meal. I'd highly recommend following Tina if you aren't already. It's fun to read about health, good great food, fitness and see many pictures of her adorable pug. Since I love pugs, it's pretty much the best one-stop blog for me, ha.

I did in fact make it to the gym this morning. Did some running, incline training and the stairmaster. Getting up that early is always the hardest part, but once I make it through the first 5-10 minutes, I'm good to go.

Now for the sappy stuff... I was watching Biggest Loser last night and usually when Bob and Jillian are giving their little speeches to individual team members, I must admit, I kinda zone in and out and don't really pay full attention to what they're actually saying. Well, last night while Jillian was talking to Migdalia (sp?), I paid attention and I'm glad I did. I'm paraphrasing it somewhat, but Jillian basically said that "it takes strength to show vulnerability."

Seeing as how I had just admitted yesterday how vulnerable I've been feeling, hearing her say that almost felt like a punch in the chest. I think I stopped breathing for a bit as I started to choke up. I know it's just a TV show (a controversial one at that) and I know a lot of what goes on is being done for dramatic effect, BUT there's no way I can hear a speech like that and pretend that it did not speak to me on a deeply personal level. Here I was, associating my own vulnerability with weakness, only to be told the exact opposite by one of the toughest women in the world. So naturally, I no longer have just a girl-crush on Jillian Michaels; I want to straight up marry that bitch (sorry Doug).

Quote for the day.

"It won't work if you don't."

-Jumoke Hill, ExerciseTV

Love it. Simple to remember and resonates in my mind pretty well.

Cozy comfort zone.

Quote I came across today:

“You MUST be willing to step out of your comfort zone to hit your goals.

No matter if your goal is fat loss, building muscle or eating better you have to make a conscious decision to stop doing what is easy and natural to you, and try a route that actually works.

So many people say “that doesn’t work for me” or ” I can’t lose weight cause of my genetics” BULLSHIT. The problem is you want to keep doing the same thing you’re doing now and get different results. You want to eat ice cream and pizza 5 days a week and somehow get different results…

You have to sack up and step out of your comfort zone!”

-Vic Magary, GymJunkies.com (of course.) There are several other tips/quotes on the original post.

Also, I came across a couple of articles here and here about cardio training and sprints.

The more I read on GymJunkies and its linked sites (Mark's Daily Apple is becoming a new favorite as well), the more I'm finding out how my recent approaches to fitness have been, for the most part, counter-productive. Such a discovery has been disappointing, yes, but also motivating. Well, sorta, haha.

For example, when I read about High-Intensity-Interval-Training (HIIT), I was reading about it in the context of breaking weight-loss plateaus. And without being 100% certain about whether or not I've been experiencing a plateau, I ran with the info anyway and started making it a regular part of my weekly fitness routine.

And honestly, one of the underlying reasons I ran with it was to avoid strength/resistance training. Granted, I have been incorporating more resistance training lately, thanks to Biggest Loser Boot Camp, but it's still not the right tool (or rather, not the only tool) that will push me to the level I'll benefit from the most.

The bottom line is, in order to reach my goal (and possibly surpass it and possibly reach the 100 pound mark), I NEED to do more strength training. I also NEED to be more meticulous and conscious of my food choices. These are things I KNOW I need to work on in order to get to my goal faster, but I have just plain lacked the motivation to take action.

So, to help, I will continue reading through my new favorite sites and just beat into my skull that super-high calorie burning cardio sessions are not necessarily going to get me to where I want to be (not on their own, anyway). Plain and simple.

I think my heart rate monitor has caused some of this too. It's become both a blessing and a curse. Obviously, it's great for telling me how hard I'm working and how many calories I'm burning, but at the same time, if I look down at my watch and see that I'm no where near at least 500 calories, I get ridiculously frustrated. Ever since I bought that thing, I've gotten myself into the habit of expecting to see big numbers on the calorie readout. And big number calorie burns just don't happen with strength/weight training (yes, building muscle will burn more fat in the long run, even when I'm not working out. I've known this, yet I still ignore it).

I've conditioned myself to think that big, long sweats = big scale progress, but as I'm finding with each weigh-in, such an idea couldn't be farther from the truth.

I can't say quite yet what all I'm going to try in the coming weeks because there's still a LOT of information I need to filter through, but I can say that this weekend, I will try and fight my mega-cardio urges and instead focus on strength circuits. I need to at least make the effort to try different strength moves so I can find stuff I like (or am at least challenged by) and keep up with it on a regular basis.

I will continue to inhale GymJunkies.com, but will also try some of the tips on sprint training from Mark's Daily Apple as well.

These are the starting steps. I've come a long way, but I still have so much farther to go. Not only in achieving my own personal fitness goals, but in building the necessary foundation of someday becoming a personal trainer. I need to start walking the walk. My lack of progress lately is direct proof that I've been talking out of my ass instead of pushing it. I WILL get toned. I WILL become a size 8. I WILL be an image of health. No compromises, no excuses. No one else can get in my way except me. I've gotten pretty strong so far, but there's still so much left to achieve.

Quote for the day/week/month/year.

"Just because you don't achieve something doesn't mean it won't happen. It only means it won't happen now."

— American hurdler Lolo Jones in Self Magazine

Some sprucing up.

"I don't love broccoli, and I don't love the treadmill, but I love the way I feel when I'm healthy and strong. It empowers me in all facets of my life. So remember, that although something may not be fun in the moment, remind yourself of the ultimate reward, and allow that to motivate you through the tough times."

-Jillian Michaels


Felt good to read that this afternoon. I'm pretty much over my gain from this morning and have moved on, as usual. Dwelling on that sort of thing never gets me anywhere, so I always feel better getting over it and just focusing on my next steps. I'm going to stay committed to the Wendie Plan this week, keep up with my workouts and just hope for the best at next week's weigh-in. Beating myself up and making myself crazy trying to figure out every possible detail of my routine and how it will (or won't) change the number on the scale is NOT a good way to start the weekend. It just stresses me out. I need to lay off what the scale says and just remind myself of how much better I feel these days, physically.

I'm also 95% sure that I'm gonna go for a morning run tomorrow, instead of doing a DVD. I might as well run outside as much as I can while it's still warm because I know my motivation will shift as the weather gets cooler. Even though I hate working out, I still manage to get the running bug from time to time. It's just therapeutic for me some days; being outside, rocking out to my iPod and just not thinking about anything in particular.