Damn my impulses.

Gaaahhhh. I swear, my impulsiveness will be the death of me some day. Soooo, basically ignore that last post. I already canceled the online WW membership. Again.

Had I taken the time to read about what it takes to be a Lifetime member, I wouldn't have bothered in the first place. After another exchange of e-mails with the WW employee lady, I have to lose 5 pounds through meetings, maintain for 6 weeks and so on. Online members can't become Lifetime members, which I suppose makes sense, but the cost difference for meetings just wasn't going to fly with my budget, even with my insurance company's discount. I could justify the online membership costs, but the meetings would just be putting me further into the hole each month.

Bah. So frustrating! And really, I've just lost too much weight already. I should've re-joined when I still had 20 pounds to lose. I thought about it, but wasn't taking WW employment as seriously at the time. And I'll be damned if I'm going to purposefully GAIN weight and spend more money just to get back into the program. I can't pretend that doing something like that would make sense.

So I basically wasted a little money for one-month of an online subscription. Not the worst thing in the world (I'll still use it through November for the accountability reasons I mentioned before), but just sort of retarded all around. All because I'm too impatient (and bored).

As far as the weight part is concerned, I don't want to re-adjust my goal below 148, because I honestly don't think I can maintain anything below that. Plus, I'm close to losing 5 pounds on my own already, duh. ANYWHO...

I'm just irritated. I wanna go to grad school for the master's in Health Promotion, but all of the classes are offered during the day when I work (which sucks, because the school would pay for the classes since I work at the same school). I want to become a personal trainer, but I need to tone up first, THEN invest a good chunk of change in the training materials and the exams. I just feel like I should be out there doing SOMETHING related to health and weight-loss (and let's be honest, getting paid for it), but I keep hitting these stupid roadblocks that put everything on hold indefinitely.

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a void in my life right now because I'm not making a living doing something I love and feel represents my interests (I know, welcome to the club, right?). It's frustrating knowing what you want to do, but not having the resources (or time or money) to do it.

So here I am, an amateur who lost over 90 pounds, is certified in nothing and has a lot of debt, haha. Good grief.

Oh, and on top of that, I'm coming down with a cold. No wonder I wasn't thinking clearly all day.

Paying for an old friend.

So, I have a confession to make... I re-signed up with Weight Watchers Online this morning. I know- "What? Why? Weren't you doing just fine following your own free version?" Yes, yes I was.

To be honest, the main reason I signed up again was so I can (hopefully) have a shot at becoming a WW employee. I know, it's not the smartest idea to invest money in something if the outcome isn't guaranteed. Yes, I'm basically gambling right now, but it's not so bad. I was able to sign up through my insurance provider's website at a discounted rate, so that made the decision a little easier (and budget-friendly).

I suppose becoming a leader some day would be cool, but right now, I'd just like to find a receptionist position and go from there. I've never actually been to a meeting, so I have no clue what it's like, aside from my vague memories from when my mom and I used to go when I was 12.

And truthfully, even though I've been successful without all of the official WW tools, I still missed having full access to the site. It saved some of my data from before and I was also able to go back and enter all of my previous weights back to September 2008.

Lastly, I think knowing that I'm paying for this will make me more accountable and keep me focused, much like my gym membership. It probably seems silly, but I do have a renewed sense of motivation right now and feel happy with my decision.

I know with the economy, the chances of me getting hired with them are probably slim-to-none, but at the very least, they can guide me to my goal and I can finally experience the joy of being dubbed a Lifetime Member. (And hey, I might have a shot at being one of their published success stories too! Heh heh.) I've been corresponding via e-mail with a lady who I'm assuming is a local WW employee, so hopefully that will keep me on their radar (she initially contacted me after I filled out the online employment application form a few nights ago). We'll see where things go.

I'm still following the Points plan (I still can't comprehend the Simply Filling plan, so I need to read up on that to see if I want to try it down the road), but I'm trying to get used to how they treat activity points and weekly allowance points now. They basically swapped them. When I heard about this idea a few months ago, I thought it was silly, but I guess it's ok. It doesn't really change how I earn activity points, but it is kind of nice to see I still have "banked" activity points left this week, as opposed to negative allowance points on my old spreadsheet. Sometimes little changes like that can be the mental boost I need to get through the week, haha.

ANYWHO, I'm happy. I love Weight Watchers, always loved the approach and philosophy and it feels great to "be back," in a sense. In fact, I think I'll look into trying a meeting soon. I'm not sure if they still give free meeting vouchers to Online members, but I suppose it's worth checking out. I just have this itch to get involved with the program in any way that I can.