Out of the races and onto the tracks.

The title of this Rapture song is surprisingly appropriate for this Monday morning. Sigh. Such a great band. Finally added pretty much all of their songs onto my workout shuffle. Anywho.

I cannot tell a lie- I'm feeling pretty damn awesome this morning! My weekend do-over went well yesterday. Got all sorts of deals on the stuff I bought (2 tops on clearance at Burlington Coat Factory, 2 bras for $40 + a $10 coupon at Victoria's Secret and 2 tops, 2 tanks & a pair of jeans, all marked down, at Old Navy!), came home and watched 2001: A Space Odyssey with Doug and made an awesome dinner, featuring one of my favorite recipes from Epicurious, Turkey Zucchini Meatloaf (Thanks again Tina for sharing it all those months ago!):





Sooo good! The meatloaf turned out great. I roasted some asparagus in the oven and Doug whipped up his awesome mashed potatoes. Pretty stoked about the leftovers for lunch today! Also, not pictured are the lemon squares I made. I'm not much of a baker (probably a good thing), but every once in a while I branch out and buy a mix that requires no more than 2-3 additional ingredients, heh.

Woke up early this morning and decided to try yet another new Jari Love DVD:



And, once again, I'm a fan. It's definitely similar to her other strength training DVD I tried last week, but I still enjoyed it. It's all about high-reps and muscle fatigue. Killer.

Lots of lower body work (squats, lunges) and of course, tons of upper body work (shoulder/chest presses, tricep dips and extensions, bicep/hammer curls, push-ups). And, as typical with her workouts, she closes with an abs circuit, which I actually did this time and didn't skip!

Part of what makes this DVD so tough is the crapload of pulsing reps that you do with every move. I broke into a pretty big sweat in the beginning (courtesy of the lower body exercises) and continued to feel the burn (especially in my shoulders!) throughout the upper body workout. Each circuit is about 5 minutes and I think there were about 15 (!!!) circuits total.

One thing I liked about this DVD that I haven't seen in any of the others is the break in between circuits where there are detailed explanations about the upcoming moves. There's a [hot] dude showing you proper form from different angles, as well as alternative moves for beginners. Plus, the breaks gave me enough time to change out my dumbbells and/or set up my aerobic step. I'm really glad I got that thing. Jari uses it in pretty much every DVD, so it's really paying for itself. Anywho, although the breaks add extra time to the workout (was about 65+ minutes), I was really glad they were incorporated. Since this wasn't a cardio-based workout, I wasn't too concerned with keeping my heart rate up super-high, every single second.

I'm glad I got up earlier and gave myself enough time to do the abs circuit and the full cooldown. I usually end up rushing through those parts or skipping them completely, but no rushing today. The cooldown was really relaxing and just left me feeling calm, strong and happy. I love you, Jari!

After a good workout, I refueled with a quick but filling breakfast:



3 Minute Oatmeal [Cranberry] Cookie and a hard-boiled egg. I forgot how much I love hard-boiled eggs. This breakfast left me feeling so good that I think I might repeat it tomorrow.

That's all for now- I've got a busy morning ahead of me. No lunch pics today since they're just leftovers from last night's dinner. Dinner post possibly later tonight, once I figure out what we're having!

Easy like Sunday morning. Sorta.

On this Sunday morning, I shall pursue the idea of a weekend do-ver. But first...



THE WHORES!

Oh, Kids in the Hall. Ok, seriously, breakfast pics first. Then the whores.



Some hot coffee with unsweetened vanilla almond milk. Served in a huge [chipped] mug.



diced apples, warmed with cinnamon and waiting to be topped with oats.



Cinnamon-Apple Oatmeal! Simple mix of 1/2 cup oats, cinnamon, 1 tbsp. ground flax, cinnamon apples, splash of vanilla extract & splenda.

It was good. I had some braeburn apples that weren't as crisp as they seemed, sadly (not sure if it's just me, but my apples have to be über-crisp for me to eat them. If they're the slightest bit mushy, I can't stand them). So, instead of tossing them, I decided to use them for oatmeal. Not the most exciting bowl of oats I've had, but certainly not the worst. I'll probably make it again over the course of the week to finish off the mushy apples, but after that, meh.

Alright, so back to my weekend do-ver... Yesterday (Saturday) pretty much sucked. I woke up with food guilt from the night before (Friday; ended up eating my leftover fried fish that same night, along with a bunch of other crap I didn't need) and forced myself to run 3 miles on a partially-digested breakfast simply as a means of punishment for my crappy eating. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I've been letting a lot of the emotional and physical stress surrounding my recovery from binge eating build up and yesterday, it all came to a head. I may/may not have had a nervous breakdown. Totally lame. When evening time rolled around, I had calmed down and later went to bed, pretty much exhausted to my core. Then I woke up at 2 am, took some Nyquil at 3:20 am and finally fell asleep sometime after 4 am.

The whole time I was awake the middle of this morning, I was aware of how tired my body was, especially my hips. I decided that I wouldn't run today after all. My last day off from working out was the Thursday before last. At first, I was experiencing that good "Hey, I'm positively challenging my body!" kind of sore, but this past Saturday, it had turned into the bad "Hey, my body is fucking exhausted" kind of sore.

One thing I realize I've been in denial about is how long recovery is going to take. And I've totally been guilty of trying to rush through it. How could I not? I want to have a life a.s.a.p. and I want to stop being pre-occupied with food a.s.a.p.! Why would I want to stretch the process out any longer than I have to? But... It just doesn't work like that. Not in a matter of weeks, anyway. I've read various eating disorder recovery stories from other women and how it took some of them years. Does the idea of being recovered in years versus months terrify me? Yes. Do I need to focus on the time frame (which I don't necessarily have control over) every day and keep freaking myself out? No.

I have a tendency to make things harder for myself than they need to be. I think this is a habit that started during my early childhood. I can't place the blame on a specific incident or person... Perhaps I was just born that way? I dunno. From here on out, when I start to stress over something (be it food, fitness, work, money, etc.) I really need to make a conscious effort to ask myself, "What's a healthier way of handling this situation? What is the worst that could happen?" Usually, the worst-case scenario is never as bad as I make it out to be, so why go through the motions of placing unnecessary stress on my body? Buh.

ANYWHO, so before heading back to work tomorrow, I need to complete Operation: Weekend Do-Over. Aside from giving my body a break from exercise and starting the day with a healthy, filling breakfast, I'm also going to head out for some retail therapy. New pair of jeans, maybe a few new tops and a new bra, thanks to my $10 birthday coupon that Victoria's Secret sent me. Also, I shall head to the grocery store to pick up crisp apples and a few ingredients for the Turkey Zucchini Meatloaf recipe that I plan to make for dinner tonight. Easy-peasy. And also a reminder that instead of simply treating myself, I need to treat myself better. I've said it on this blog before, but it deserves repeating this weekend in particular.