What brought this phase on? I suppose underlying work & financial stress is partially to blame. But I think the bigger reason was some good ol' body hatred. Last week, I noticed more clothing items not fitting. And of course, my immediate reaction was, "I have failed."
Obviously I haven't failed in the general sense of things, but I'm still failing to love myself and my body, at any size, on a regular basis. Some weeks are easier than others. Some weeks I feel "pleased" with myself because I look slimmer than normal and/or because I've kept up with workouts and healthy eating. But it's still pretty shallow at that point; even if I say "I love myself [right now]!", I know it's not genuine because the thought is only temporary. It's never long before I start dissin' my looks and size.
Oh, healthy body image and self love. We'll be BFFs someday, once I break the habit of criticizing myself in detail and mentally kicking myself to the curb for no good reason.
Anywho. I didn't intend for this post to be a downer, but I did need to capture some of these thoughts instead of beating them down with a shovel, as if they were zombies. Dang- now I want to watch the "Thriller" video, haha.
SO, said funk ran up through Wednesday. Yesterday, I knew I needed to get a grip. I needed some fresh foods. I needed to re-kindle my love of veggies. I went shopping, found lots of goodies, got home and started cookin'.
Into the pan went: black beans, mushrooms & zucchini:
Added some cumin, salt, pepper, garlic & onion powder (forgot to add real chopped onion) and some cilantro.
At the store, I picked up something new to try:
When I see "New Mexico Style" and "Green Chile" on the same label, I gotta give it a shot. I added about 1/4 cup to the beans/veggies. While that simmered, I got a salad started:
Romaine, tomatoes, cheddar. I also grilled some corn tortillas (can you see where I'm going with this?):
Few steps later, I had myself a black bean taco salad:
Topped with guac and sour cream.
AHHH! This salad was so dope. And the chile sauce is great- lots of heat, but the flavor of the chiles still comes through. This dish did indeed remind me of the awesomeness that is healthy food.
I avoided the gym all week, but finally went this morning for a quick 30 minute session. Twenty minutes/2 miles of speed intervals on the treadmill and 10 minutes of intervals on the stair master. I didn't feel like working out for very long, so I knew I needed to put on my Big Girl Pants and kick up the intensity. It was tough, but man, I felt amazing afterward (still do!).
Came home, showered, prepped my lunch and then made one of the best Green Monster smoothies I've made to date. I haven't had one in over a month, so I'm glad it turned out so good. In the mix:
- 1/2 cup almond milk
- 1/4 cup water
- 1/2 frozen banana
- 1 scoop Designer Whey Chocolate Deluxe protein powder
- 1 scoop Amazing Grass Chocolate Superfood
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- 2 huge handfuls fresh spinach
So boys and girls, it would appear that I no longer have the funk (sorry, Parliament). Glad I snapped out of it when I did; a) it's Friday, b) I'm going to New Mexico this weekend for family fun, amazing homemade New Mexican food and hopefully a trip to Trader Joe's and c) I re-discovered one of my all-time favorite songs by one of my all-time favorite bands:
Ah, the feeling of being a 14 year old anglophile, full of angst.
Lastly, I hope to have new book and DVD reviews within the next 1-2 weeks, so stay tuned. And of course, enjoy the weekend!
5 comments:
Thanks for posting this. I just wanted to let you know that even tho I haven’t been commenting, I have been reading. I am having such a hard time with my eating. Dear lord this girl loves to eat. My exercising is still awesome, cycling to work everyday which equals just short of 22km round trip, going to the gym 2-4 times per week, and walking… and trying to run sometimes.. still can’t get passed that 7 minute mark without my foot going numb, and having no sensation in it all, until the pins & needles come. I am so lucky. Ugh.
I have so many “new body clothes” that I bought, that no longer fit. My work wardrobe is dwindling down. I even wear my “fat pants” once in awhile. I only kept one pair. I find myself wearing a lot of skirts because pants do not fit.
I understand so much of what you write about. So much. And because of you, I have tried and fallen in love with avocadoes. Oh my, oh my. Too bad they are so expensive. They go for like $1.30 each here, but I did pick up a bag of 5 last week for $2.75, so I was pumped.
Anyway, just wanted to say hi. Have a fun trip and enjoy Trader Joe’s! I am envious.
@tinaeat
Hey, Tina! Glad you're still reading my nonsense, heh.
Your foot problem bums me out, but that's awesome that you're still keeping up with a good variety of fitness routines- you rock, woman!
I love to eat too, obviously, haha. But I think my underlying body issues are what regularly push me from "everything in healthy moderation" to just *everything*. It's tough, but one day at a time, I suppose. My first goal is to just work on extinguishing the "my body sucks" thoughts as quickly as possible. Hopefully that will translate into more natural balanced eating and a better attitude about myself.
SIGH. Anywho. Glad you love avocados! I'm always keeping my eyes peeled for good deals too, otherwise, they can break my food budget a bit. They make everything taste better!
Glad to hear you're not funkalicious anymore! I hate when I get in moods like that beaause for me it usually last four to five days and I don't want to associate myself with anything healthy. But then something snaps in my mind and all of a sudden, I do want to eat healthy, move, etc. The only thing that's stopping me now is that I'm going to NYC for July 4th and don't want to look like a heffer compared to the people there. But after that? Bring on the sweets!!
Hope you have a fun and safe trip! I've only drove through NM when I was moving from AZ to NC and so regret not stopping there for a night, it was absolutely gorgeous driving through.
I was in the same exact funk last week! I think we workout and eat right almost ALL the time that we burn out. I always tend to crave "good" food after all those days of junk so everything falls back into place =)
dude can you come over and make me a taco salad? gracias!
I hate the funk. Hope you had a good weekend!
Katherine
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