Monday, April 19, 2010

These things take time.

Lots of thoughts went on over the weekend. Some highs, some lows and some in-betweeners.

Feelings and Overeating

Finishing my first 5K was a high, obviously. The lows resulted from my same ol' patterned weekend overeating. The good news is each weekend, I'm overeating less and less. This weekend in particular felt the least destructive one in a long time. I was able to let go of the "all-or-nothing" mentality, stop myself and end the day making healthier choices. Sorta. Haha. The in-betweener was finally getting some things off of my chest to a certain person. A lot of thoughts about this person had been building up in my head for a while (months?), so a proverbial weight was lifted yesterday. Even though those particular thoughts weren't on my mind every single hour of every day, I wonder if just holding them in and letting them build up was causing some underlying stress that was possibly manifesting itself through bad eating? A bit of stretch, but certainly a possibility. After confronting this person, our relationship is in limbo at the moment, but I at least feel a great deal better. (Ah, don't you just love cryptic posts?)

Over the past few weeks, I've been going back and forth on writing down what I eat, tracking calories and tracking points. But the main thing that keeps fucking me up is my weekend overeating pattern. I finally realized that I'm going to be inclined to make these same mistakes regardless of whether or not I'm tracking my food in detail (and I know this because I've done it so many times already).

I've gotten to a point where I'm perfectly capable of making the best possible choices for my body during the week, almost without thinking. I like eating healthy, reasonable amounts of food and I like staying active because my body responds so positively. So why do I get lazy and eat destructively on the weekends?

It really does feel like I turn into a totally different person when 5 o' clock on Friday rolls around. And I don't like that person. She's super-rebellious, unforgiving and reckless.

Moderation. Balance. Blah, blah, blah. I just need to buckle down and plan my meals/snacks as I would any other day during the week instead of just "wingin' it." That's not to say I want to pre-plan every meal and snack for the rest of my life, but my weekends clearly need more structure, at least for a little while. I know it's possible to eat healthily and balanced while still enjoying treats here and there, I just need to re-visit the old determined, disciplined, level-headed Tam. Perhaps a re-read of some of my old LiveJournal entries is in order? I think so. I'm currently about 12 pounds above my previous goal weight. I'm not devastated by it because I've been staying pretty fit, but I'm not gonna lie; I would feel more comfortable with myself if I could take off at least 5-8 pounds. It's less of a numbers/vanity thing and more of a "I just feel heavy" kind of thing.


Even though I toyed with the idea of a rest day yesterday, I ended up working out in the evening. But y'know what? I just felt so damn better afterward that I have no regrets. I kept it simple though; 1 mile jog/run on the treadmill and Jackie Warner's Power Circuit Training DVD. Broke out a nice sweat, felt a good burn and felt somewhat redeemed from sitting on the couch most of the day.

This morning, I headed to the gym for a mixed routine. Did 2 miles of jogging/sprints/walking/running, 15 minutes on the Step Mill (which I'm starting to fall in love with again, as sick as that may seem) and then topped things off with 1 mile on the elliptical. I actually tried a different elliptical this time; it's an older Life Fitness model with the handles. The last time I used this model was probably 2 years ago, when I joined one of my old gyms (Planet Fitness). I used to love that machine and used it every chance I got, until I got distracted with learning to run. After switching gyms again (to Accolade Fitness), I used a Precor elliptical, sans handles. Now that I'm at 24 Hour Fitness, they have a crapload of the ol' Life Fitness ones, so I decided to give it a go, for old time's sake. And I must say, I totally fell in love with it all over again. I cranked up the resistance and pumped my arms like crazy. It felt good.

Tomorrow, I may/may not get into the 24Cycle class. I tried to sign up this morning, but all of the reserved spots were filled, so I basically need to show up early and see if I can snag any of the non-reserved spots. Worst case scenario, I won't get in and will just end up riding on my own on one of the regular stationary bikes. I've learned enough in that class so far that I think I can freestyle my own routine. But whether or not I'll push myself as hard as Vanessa (instructor) is yet unknown. I'm starting to dig riding in general, so either way, I don't want to skip it altogether.

Lastly, the high from my 5K this past weekend has caused me to seek out some other races in the future. I came across a Classic 10K race that looks like it'll be up my alley. I'm hoping that new challenges like this will keep me a bit more focused with both eating and regular running. It seems like I ran my ass off around this time last year and I miss that feeling. Plus, more runs definitely won't hurt in helping me take off those aforementioned 5-8 pounds. As always, we'll see how it goes.


Michelle Hastie said...

I would assume the weekend monster comes out as a result of too much tight control throughout the week. Then there is a contrast of having no control over the weekend. Try to live in the gray, not the black and white. Remember weight loss doesn't come from working hard in the gym and eating healthy, losing weight doesn't need to be hard. :)

Tamara said...

@Michelle Hastie

I try not to be tight during the week though, for that very reason. But maybe I am being slightly more restrictive without even noticing because I'm a lot busier during the week and have a steady eating schedule... Hmm.

I think the main thing is I'm still dealing with food guilt too. Guilt seems to keep the cycle going :\

Anonymous said...

I was just about to make an lj post about how I am hating on my gut right now, then I read your post here and it really resonated. The weekend binging is part of my problem too.

Tamara said...


I don't know about you, but sometimes it makes me both love and loathe the weekends. Buh.

Amanda (Two Boos Who Eat) said...

ugh weekend over-eating. Hate it! I feel you on the confrontations. I recently went through something similar. It sucked! And food guilt doesn't help!