Easy like Sunday morning. Sorta.

On this Sunday morning, I shall pursue the idea of a weekend do-ver. But first...



THE WHORES!

Oh, Kids in the Hall. Ok, seriously, breakfast pics first. Then the whores.



Some hot coffee with unsweetened vanilla almond milk. Served in a huge [chipped] mug.



diced apples, warmed with cinnamon and waiting to be topped with oats.



Cinnamon-Apple Oatmeal! Simple mix of 1/2 cup oats, cinnamon, 1 tbsp. ground flax, cinnamon apples, splash of vanilla extract & splenda.

It was good. I had some braeburn apples that weren't as crisp as they seemed, sadly (not sure if it's just me, but my apples have to be über-crisp for me to eat them. If they're the slightest bit mushy, I can't stand them). So, instead of tossing them, I decided to use them for oatmeal. Not the most exciting bowl of oats I've had, but certainly not the worst. I'll probably make it again over the course of the week to finish off the mushy apples, but after that, meh.

Alright, so back to my weekend do-ver... Yesterday (Saturday) pretty much sucked. I woke up with food guilt from the night before (Friday; ended up eating my leftover fried fish that same night, along with a bunch of other crap I didn't need) and forced myself to run 3 miles on a partially-digested breakfast simply as a means of punishment for my crappy eating. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I've been letting a lot of the emotional and physical stress surrounding my recovery from binge eating build up and yesterday, it all came to a head. I may/may not have had a nervous breakdown. Totally lame. When evening time rolled around, I had calmed down and later went to bed, pretty much exhausted to my core. Then I woke up at 2 am, took some Nyquil at 3:20 am and finally fell asleep sometime after 4 am.

The whole time I was awake the middle of this morning, I was aware of how tired my body was, especially my hips. I decided that I wouldn't run today after all. My last day off from working out was the Thursday before last. At first, I was experiencing that good "Hey, I'm positively challenging my body!" kind of sore, but this past Saturday, it had turned into the bad "Hey, my body is fucking exhausted" kind of sore.

One thing I realize I've been in denial about is how long recovery is going to take. And I've totally been guilty of trying to rush through it. How could I not? I want to have a life a.s.a.p. and I want to stop being pre-occupied with food a.s.a.p.! Why would I want to stretch the process out any longer than I have to? But... It just doesn't work like that. Not in a matter of weeks, anyway. I've read various eating disorder recovery stories from other women and how it took some of them years. Does the idea of being recovered in years versus months terrify me? Yes. Do I need to focus on the time frame (which I don't necessarily have control over) every day and keep freaking myself out? No.

I have a tendency to make things harder for myself than they need to be. I think this is a habit that started during my early childhood. I can't place the blame on a specific incident or person... Perhaps I was just born that way? I dunno. From here on out, when I start to stress over something (be it food, fitness, work, money, etc.) I really need to make a conscious effort to ask myself, "What's a healthier way of handling this situation? What is the worst that could happen?" Usually, the worst-case scenario is never as bad as I make it out to be, so why go through the motions of placing unnecessary stress on my body? Buh.

ANYWHO, so before heading back to work tomorrow, I need to complete Operation: Weekend Do-Over. Aside from giving my body a break from exercise and starting the day with a healthy, filling breakfast, I'm also going to head out for some retail therapy. New pair of jeans, maybe a few new tops and a new bra, thanks to my $10 birthday coupon that Victoria's Secret sent me. Also, I shall head to the grocery store to pick up crisp apples and a few ingredients for the Turkey Zucchini Meatloaf recipe that I plan to make for dinner tonight. Easy-peasy. And also a reminder that instead of simply treating myself, I need to treat myself better. I've said it on this blog before, but it deserves repeating this weekend in particular.

Friday Fried Fish.

Quick dinner recap. Went to Rock Bottom Brewery for some fish 'n'... well, broccoli? Started with a beer first though:



It was call the 719 Light Brew or something like that. Tasty light beer!

Then, food time:



Got the Smoked Salmon Fish 'n' Chips, but ditched the fries for broccoli. Served with coleslaw and some remoulade sauce. Soooo good! I also had my share of malt vinegar.

Some [crappy] close ups of the salmon chunks:





Definitely hit the spot. I ate half and brought the leftovers home. Why yes, I think I will have fried fish for breakfast tomorrow, thank you very much.

Turning in for the night. Having a glass of wine and watching Chowder because we're super-serious and mature like that. Happy weekend!

New record!

Ok, before I get to breakfast pics, I have some pretty exciting news to share (well, exciting to me, of course): This morning, I ran 5 miles in 48:56!!! I'm so incredibly stoked right now. It didn't come without pain though; I definitely had my share of side cramps, but I ran through them. And, during my cooldown walk, I contemplated going for another mile, but instead forced myself to press the STOP button on the treadmill and headed to the locker room. Could I have done 6, maybe 7 miles? Sure. Would I regret it the next day? Yeah, probably.

Although, I am contemplating on going again on Sunday and either repeating my time, beating it and/or increasing my mileage. We'll see.

I'm not at work today, so I was able to sleep in and had some Amazing Grass Green Superfood with water and 1/2 a small banana before I headed to the gym. I usually don't eat before my workouts on the days I get up at 5 am, but since I had time to digest and was planning a long-ish run, I decided it would be wise to fuel up a bit beforehand. I think that helped in the end.

And y'know what else? These strength training workouts have been buffing up my legs big time. The first half of my run was pretty cake because my legs just felt so strong and capable, versus heavy and sloppy. And with all of the squats and lunges I've been doing, my knees are stronger and rarely sore. In fact, this was probably the first long run where my knees didn't bother me afterward. High-five for getting stronger!

I'm seriously contemplating getting some champagne tonight to celebrate this run, haha. I thought for sure it would take me 50+ minutes (I did take walking breaks every mile), so when I saw a 4 in front of my final time, I freaked myself out. I wanted to break out into some serious fist pumps.



Yeah, those kind of fist pumps...

But alas, I simply went home, showered and rewarded myself with an awesome breakfast:



Big bowl of [soupy] fruity oats:



In this mix:

• 1/2 cup oats
• 1/2 small banana
• about 1/2 cup frozen strawberries (thawed)
• about 1/2 cup frozen peaches (thawed)
• 1 tbsp reduced-fat unsweetened coconut
• 1.5 scoops of Biggest Loser vanilla protein powder
• splash of vanilla extract
• splenda

Oh. My. God. Probably one of the best (if not THE best) bowl of fruity oats I've made. I totally wrecked that bowl.

And on the side, cold coffee with 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla Almond Breeze:



Probably will skip lunch pics today. I'm not planning on having a traditional lunch anyway, seeing as I finished breakfast at 11 am. We have dinner reservations at Rock Bottom Brewery this evening, so I'll probably have a small snack before we head out. I've been dreaming of their smoked salmon fish 'n' chips for months now, so I'm gonna order those. But I'll probably ditch the chips for some steamed veggies. I really just want hunks of beer battered smoked salmon and not much else. Omg. Can't wait. I'll try to remember to take pics before I inhale them like a Shop-Vac. 'Cause, y'know, that's the plan.

Hope everyone is having an awesome Friday!

Afternoon delight.

Lunch today was pretty basic, but satisfying nonetheless:



Ham & mustard sandwich on a slice of Honey Whole Wheat, baby carrots & Barney Butter and the juiciest pear of all time.

Afternoon snack:





Blood orange. I tried one for the first time a few weeks ago and I'm really starting to prefer them over regular oranges. Yum!

Quick aerobic step update: Instead of running this afternoon, I was feeling... Well... Saucy, if you will, and decided to use my new step during the Get Extremely Ripped! 1000 DVD. Woo! Great addition. It was a little tricky because I basically had to re-learn some of the moves, but I only tripped a couple of times. I just used the one-level inserts. After a few more tries, I might grow a pair and add the second level ones.

And, although I'm trying to move away from counting calories, I was a little curious how many calories that workout actually burns, so I slapped on my heart rate monitor for the first time in ages. Including the warm-up and workouts 1 & 2 (I skipped the push-ups and abs circuit), I burned a little over 400 calories. I initially expected more, but considering how much strength training you do in between cardio moves, that's actually a pretty good burn in that amount of time. Plus, there's gotta be a decent amount of afterburn going on as well.

DINNER!

Doug was eating at his folks' house, so I was on my own tonight. Had a glass of Cabernet Sauvingnon while I waited for my meal to bake:



I made a quiche of sorts, if that's what you wanna call it. I just threw in a bunch of veggies with some egg substitute and cheese and baked it for... a while:



Out of the pan:



As for the specifics, I combined:

• 3/4 cup eggies
• few handfuls of fresh spinach
• orange bell pepper
• mushrooms
• a bit of some frozen peppers & onion mix (trying to clear out stuff in the freezer little by little.)
• 2 tbsp. fresh roasted chile salsa
• 1/4 cup fat free shredded cheddar
• 2 tsp. flour
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• salt/pepper
• garlic powder
• onion powder

I sauteéd the veggies in a pan first to cook them down and release some of the liquid. Baked at about 375 for about 30 minutes or so. I wanted to form a crust on the edges and also make sure the middle wasn't soggy.

Some turkey sausage links:



And all together now:



I made a "T" for Tamara! Get it?. Yeah, I'm in super-dork mode this evening. I blame the endorphins from my workout and uh, y'know, the wine.

Cut it into fourths and ate it like a pizza. Pretty fantastic for wingin' it on the fly. That's all for now. Seacrest out!

Yawny, Yanni.

I'm a tired gal today. So tired that I skipped my run this morning. Ah well. I was only planning on doing 2 miles anyway, so maybe I'll still bust it out later when I get home from work. This week seems to be dragging a bit, so my motivation is dwindling down as the weekend slooooowly approaches. On to pics, eh?



I was pretty undecided about what I wanted for breakfast this morning, so I went with an ol' favorite that I haven't made in a while: the 3 Minute Oatmeal Raisin Cookie.



I replaced the raisins with dried cranberries. Love.



Some cold coffee and light vanilla Silk, served in my Geeks Who Drink glass.



And a good ol' nanner on the side.

I actually ended up mashing the last few bites of banana on to the top of the cookie. 'Twas delicious.

Morning snack:



My usual 1/2 cup of 0% Fage yogurt with some strawberries. Man, I forgot how awesome strawberries and Greek yogurt are. In fact, it's so good...


I wanna dip my balls in it!

The State, anyone? Hahahaaa. Dang it. Now I want to bail on work, curl up on the couch and watch that DVD set. And eat more strawberry Greek yogurt, of course.

Lunch and afternoon snack to follow later. And at this rate, "later" feels like "in about a decade or so." Is it 5 yet?

Rush, as in not enough time, not the band.

I really need to go back to packing my lunches and snacks the night before. The past few mornings have been too rushed and it makes me cranky. Buh. Oh well. Nothing a little Daydream Nation by Sonic Youth can't cure. Music Tangent: I wasn't a big fan of Sonic Youth before (didn't hate them, just kinda neutral). Doug on the other hand LOVES them. Between hearing him play their albums all the time and seeing them in concert last year, I must say, they've totally grown on me.

Let's back up to last night's dinner, shall we? I had a couple of ideas on what to make, but I also had a Buy One Get One Free coupon to Noodles & Company, so off we went.



I got a small order of Bangkok Curry with a grilled chicken breast on top. Added a few drops of Sriracha and I was good to go.

But y'know what I'm really excited to share? DESSERT:



What is this, you ask? Well, my inner Fat Kid took a Deep Chocolate vitatop, a tablespoon of marshmallow cremé and sprinkled on about a teaspoon of reduced-fat unsweetened coconut. The result? A mother-frickin' Sno-Ball. Only much better, in my opinion. I do enjoy me some original Sno-Balls from time to time, but I get sick of them after a few bites because there just seems to be too much marshmallow and not enough cake (is there ever really enough cake in anything though?). Well problem solved, with my version. And the vitatop has chocolate chips in it, so um, helloooo?! Heaven, for the most part.

Moving on to this morning's breakfast:



A bowl of I-Don't-Know-What and a slice of Great Harvest Cinnamon Chip toast.



Ok, so here's what I mixed together:

• 1/4 cup oats
• 1/4 cup egg substitute
• 1/4 cup fat-free cottage cheese
• 1 tbsp ground flax
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• cinnamon
• splenda
• splash of vanilla extract

I microwaved it for 2:30 and let it cool for a bit. It was good, but maybe could have used a tablespoon or so of flour? I don't know. I just wanted a little bit of oats, but with extra sources of protein, so that's what I ended up with. I guess you could call it Stuffed French Toast in a Bowl? Whatevs. If I want to go for the French Toast effect though, I think next time I need to drizzle some syrup on top. Maybe that's what was missing...

And another shot of the toast, because it made my soul smile:



Quick 'n' Dirty Review of Jari Love's Get Extremely Ripped DVD: Love it! Another great strength & resistance workout. There's definitely not any cardio moves in this one which kinda bummed me out at first, but since it's based around high reps with no breaks in between, my heart rate and sweat output stayed steady the whole time.

It's well over an hour and does move slower than the Get Extremely Ripped! 1000 DVD, but overall, I still enjoyed it. Using the step makes a HUGE difference! Especially when doing stuff like reverse lunges and side squats. Good lord. I had to step off of it occasionally because my quads were on fire.

After the first two workouts (each 30 minutes each), I did the push-ups and plank interval, but skipped the abs routine because I was running out of time and needed to start getting ready for work. Plus, after the ab work I've been doing on the Jackie Warner DVD this week, I was sooo not in the mood for more abs.

Tons of squats, lunges, bicep curls, shoulder presses, rows, tricep kick backs & extensions. Some of the pulsing squat moves killed me, but I could feel my butt and abs working overtime, so I couldn't complain. And you pretty much keep dumbbells in your hands the whole time, so my lifting gloves came in handy for a better, less sweaty grip.

After being disappointed with her Body Rock! DVD the other morning, I'm glad this one met my expectations.

My shoulders and rump cheeks are officially killing me now though, so I don't think I will follow through with my original plan of doing the Jackie Warner DVD again tomorrow. I think I'm just gonna do a 2 mile run (maybe) and call it a day. I know I said last week that I didn't want to break my runs down into smaller distances over the course of more days, but this week, it seems like a better fit.

That's all for today. I think I'm gonna skip lunch and snack photos today since they're basically the same as yesterday, more or less.

Sweet.

After eating the last of my lunch today, I felt myself going into Cartman mode:



"Oh my god, you guys! Seriously!"

Seemed like an innocent soup and sandwich combo:



But as I started chomping, it became more and more evident how good everything was.

First off, I started with some Campbell's Select Harvest Light Vegetable Soup and added the remaining over-salted kale chips from last night. I almost threw them away this morning, but it takes a lot for me to throw out food, so I gave it a shot.



Between the extra salt on the kale and the salt already in the soup, there was definitely some sodium overload going on, but taste-wise, it was pretty darn good.

I packed more spinach than what would reasonably fit in my sandwich, so I added the extra amount to the soup as well:



I really loved this particular variety of Select Harvest. Great standard veggie soup, but with nice little amounts of beans and pasta. Perfect for pairing with delicious sandwiches like these:



A slice of Honey Whole Wheat from Great Harvest Bread Co., a slice of Sargento's reduced-fat provolone, smoked turkey slices, fresh spinach and a few strips of orange bell peppers.



It may not look or sound like much, but this was hands-down, one of the best sandwiches I've had. At first I was bummed that I didn't add any mayo or mustard to it, but then I took that first bite and it tasted fabulous. Just like the bagel sandwich from last week, the bread had this great sweetness that totally complemented the turkey and the bell peppers. But this was definitely better than the bagel sandwich because there was significantly less dough to get lost in.

So, yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna make awesome sandwiches for lunch the next few days. Mostly because of that bread. My god.

I'm mighty satisfied right now, but I do have a snack planned for later, just in case:



Definitely an "I LOVE FOOD!" kind of meal. And once my level of motivation corresponds with an adequate amount of free freezer space, I'd like to experiment with making my own soups. I know it's souper easy (nuk, nuk, nuk), it's just a matter of taking the time to think up some good combos, buying the ingredients and throwing it all in the pot.

Go go gadget guns!

Let me start this [long] post by saying that I'm starting to become obsessed with Jackie Warner's Power Circuit DVD. Seriously. I still have 2 new Jari Love DVDs to try AND my new aerobic step arrived yesterday (to take some of the Jari Love workouts to a new challenging level), yet all I wanted to do this morning was bust through 40 minutes of fast-paced pain. I think that's still the biggest appeal right now- the fact that it just flies by, yet leaves me feeling like I still accomplished something. My arms and chest are just feeling awesome right now (and tingly!).

After the DVD was over, I decided to run a mile before hitting the shower. Since that particular DVD is one of my shorter workouts, I figured adding on a quick run would make for a good combo. Some progress notes:

• Since I'm prepared for the lightning-fast transitions, I'm able to keep up with the reps better and put forth more effort, thus feeling more of the burn.
• I'm starting to add weights to certain moves (i.e., lunges and squats) and increasing my weight on other moves (i.e., hammer curls and rows)
• The ab intervals still kick my ass. Not much progress made there because the burn is so bad, I often find myself just watching the DVD and shaking my head in disgust.

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty impressed with my attitude toward fitness this week. I think having all of these new options (new DVDs, new equipment) is just making me eager to try stuff so I can feel/see my body change. When I reached my goal weight, I was definitely feeling and seeing changes, thanks to discovering HIIT routines and weight lifting, but the results I'm getting this time around are different... This time, instead of being smaller and moderately toned, I feel like I'm just getting cut. Even though my ass is carrying more poundage than it did back in October/November, it's starting to actually lift and look awesome. I've been doing significantly more squats and lunges over the past few weeks than I previously did over a few months, so there ya go.

On that note, I guess I'll go ahead and share just how much I gained back... After November hit (and my binge eating returned), I gained about 15 pounds steadily through January (yeah, do the math on that one, folks. I packed it on heavy and fast). I was back in the 170s for a bit. Seeing that number on the scale (and worse so, feeling every pound of it) was devastating. And although I'm trying to break away from numbers, I am happy to say that I'm finally back in the 160s. My 90 pound goal weight was 158 and my lowest weight ever was 150.8 (!!!). Am I trying to get back to the low 150s? Well, considering how stressed and hungry I got trying to get there, no, not really. I think as far as realistic maintenance goes, anything between 158 and 162 feels the most natural.

Anywho, closing notes on exercise: Tomorrow, I'm gonna bust out the new step and try Jari's Extremely Ripped DVD (essentially, an older version of the Extremely Ripped 1000 DVD, which was the first one I purchased and quickly became addicted to).

Thursday, I'll either rest or do another round of the Power Circuit DVD and a quick run. Not sure yet. Friday definitely needs to be a run day at the gym though, I'm thinkin'.

On to food!

Breakfast:



Baked oatmeal and a glass of cold coffee (I didn't put ice in it, so I guess I can't really call it "Iced Coffee" can I?)



For this version, I used:

• 1 packet of store-brand sugar-free instant maple & brown sugar oatmeal
• about 1/3 cup of canned pumpkin
• 1/4 cup egg whites
• 1 small mashed banana
• cinnamon
• nutmeg
• splash of vanilla extract
• splenda

In reviewing the original recipe, I now realize I forgot to add the baking powder, but it was still fluffy and daaaaaamn good. I think adding the banana took it to that new level of awesomeness.



I brewed some coffee last night and left it in the fridge overnight. Mixed it with light vanilla Silk and a few pumps of DaVinci sugar-free Pumpkin Pie syrup. Oh man. So delightful, even though it was like 6 degrees outside when I drank it.

Morning snack:



More 0% Fage yogurt with pineapple chunks.

Assuming I don't get lazy later, lunch and afternoon snack pics to follow this afternoon.

Chickpeas and Chips.

Stopped by Great Harvest Bread Company and King Soopers on the way home today to pick up thingies. By the time I got home, I was quite hungry, so I started with dessert:



Chickpea Blondie. I made my lame dieted version though, so I'm sure they don't taste anywhere near as good as the original. Ah well. Sweet, chewy and kinda fruity, so I'm happy.

I have been dreaming of the Honey Whole Wheat bread from Great Harvest for MONTHS, so I finally broke down and picked up a loaf (along with a loaf of their Cinnamon Chip):





(I actually ended up putting one of the slices back; I just got caught up in the moment and thought I could put away two slices at once, but not today.)

I served the bread toasted, alongside some leftover lentil soup:



I also picked up some kale while I was at the store so I could jump on the kale chip bandwagon.





They turned out crispy all right, but I got waaaay too heavy-handed with the kosher salt. They were so salty that I ended up mixing them with my lentil soup, which needed a bit of a flavor boost anyway. Not sure what I'll do with the other half... I'll either toss them or try to find something bland that I can mix them with. Salt or no salt though, I don't think I'll go out of my way to make them again.

That's all for tonight. I'm quite full and am just waiting for the new episode of Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. Glad Monday's out of the way.

Leftover lunch.

Some days, it's just hard to beat leftover Chinese food. And today, lunch was just that:



Yesterday my mom took me out to lunch at P.F. Changs, where I ordered the Buddha's Feast Lunch Bowl with steamed brown rice. In the mix:

• asparagus
• carrots
• broccoli
• mushrooms
• snow peas
• tofu

See?



I know a few people like to hate on ol' Changs (or any other chain restaurant, for that matter), but it was good! Loved the sauce they mixed in (it had a nice, clean ginger-y-ness to it) and I helped myself to extra red chili paste because I like-uh the spiiiiice. If it wasn't a pain in the ass to drive to, I'd imagine I'd pick up more take-out from there. Even though I'm not a vegetarian, I would like to try some of their other veggie dishes. Oh, and in case you're wondering how to feel like an adult, try hoarding the leftover broccoli pieces off of your mother's plate. Come on, Ma! Eat your veggies!

And for dessert...



...a mini White Chocolate Macadamia Luna bar. Perfect amount of sweetness and a little extra bit of protein. Love!

Afternoon snack:



Another color-coordinated combo of baby carrots, jicama and string cheese.

Dinner will also be leftovers, but of the lentil soup variety. Not sure if I'll take pics of those or not. We'll see.