Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Back, Weigh-in.

Ok- update time (told ya the bout of silence would probably be only a few days, heh).

First, we'll start with this morning's weigh-in: 156.8. A loss of 0.6 pounds. It was/is that time of the month for me and I ate reeeeally shitty last Friday, so that's the best I can hope for. After gaining the past two weeks, I was so relieved to see things go in the other direction this morning, for once.

I'm still in a funk, but I'm working through it. I'm stuck in limbo between wanting to lose more weight and maintaining. As of right now, I'd like to get to 153. That would put me at a total loss of 95 pounds. And once I get there (or if I get there, rather), I'll figure out my new plan of action. For now though, I need to see my good ol' ticker as a reminder of how far I've come:

I get caught up in the numbers in front of me all the time and often forget about past progress. Shame, shame, shame.

I've been eating really healthy this week. Lots of broccoli slaw, bell peppers, acorn squash, spinach, brussels sprouts- the list goes on. Just eating my way through seasonal produce deals, one day at a time, heh.

And then there's fitness. BUUUUHHHH. No, I haven't stopped working out. I wish I could, but I feel guilty and worthless if I don't. I've still been plugging along, every day. Just trying to re-evaluate my routines as well as my relationship with fitness in general. I'm not 100% sure, but after reading some fitness articles, I might have been over-training myself the past, I dunno, 1-2 months? So I'm trying to back down from my usual 600-800 calorie burning sessions and focusing on shorter, higher-intensity routines. For example, this morning at the gym, I did a stairmaster interval workout that kicked my ass, but it went by super fast. Five minute warm-up, 30 minutes of intervals, 5 minute cool-down. I totally couldn't do any level beyond 8, but it was a good challenge that got my heart rate up higher than it has been in weeks. Definitely a much-needed boost. Even though I couldn't do the routine as marked, I still felt accomplished because I made it through something that was hard. Prior to this morning, I haven't felt that sense of accomplishment in weeks because my usual routine was essentially getting easy and I was subconsciously bored and comfortable.

Tomorrow we're going to a Halloween party. I really need to have a somewhat normal weekend where I don't completely blow my points in a single night. I'm not going to plan my strategy too much in advance though, because it usually backfires. I'm just going to try and have as normal of a day as I can and just focus on enjoying myself and being around friends. Booze and candy should just be in the background somewhere, not necessarily the highlight of the evening. I will be at the gym beforehand though, trying out this elliptical interval routine. Gotta get some sort of sweat session in as back-up, I suppose.

There will be more updates in the future, but certainly not daily like I was doing before. And no more food lists because I think everyone has a pretty sound idea of what I eat day-to-day by now. But I'll still share any good recipes/meal ideas I come across.

I'm slowly trying to work out some post-goal issues as best as I can. I've discovered that I still don't have a 100% normal relationship with food yet. And I don't know if I ever will, but it would be nice to at least be less anxious around it. I hate that nagging feeling of desperation that I get in certain food-related situations. It makes me feel pathetic and I want it to stop. I want to feel strong again. And normal.

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