Saturday, October 17, 2009


I am a jackass.

Last night, I ate all of my weekly allowance points. Yep, in one night. And as I've discovered this morning, I basically ate myself sick.

First of all, it's not the points I'm so upset about, it's what I spent them on that makes me mad. I didn't even spend them on something indulgent and awesome (like wings or good pizza)... I just spent them all on stuff around the house. I told myself I wasn't going to go somewhere and spend money on crap food, so instead I just ate a TON of "low-fat" and "healthy-ish" crap that was already available in our fridge, freezer and cupboards. It was so stupid. I drank some wine too, so that kinda kept the munching going.

Anywho. On the upside, I wrote stuff down as I gorged myself, so I was able to go back and accurately track everything on The Daily Plate this morning.

Speaking of this morning, it has sucked so far. I woke up early and thought "Ok Tam, just start some laundry, take things slow for an hour or so and then head to the gym." Well, I got the laundry started, feeling full and tired, but ok for the most part. Then I sat down to check my e-mail and that's when the heartburn kicked in and my stomach started rolling over on top of itself.

I limped to the bathroom, chugged some Alka-Seltzer (the heartburn kind) and a few minutes later, puked.

I wasn't mad at myself for eating so much last night, but I'm absolutely ashamed this morning for eating so much that my body literally couldn't handle it. What the hell is wrong with me? Who does that sort of thing? Ugh. I've never, ever (even back in my heavier days) ate myself to the point of puking. I'm feeling weak (both physically and emotionally) and confused (why didn't I stop eating sooner? why did my self-control just up and disappear?). I can't explain it. It wasn't an emotional binge... If anything, I've always been prone to boredom eating. And it was indeed a boring Friday night, sitting at home watching TV... But there's been loads of nights like that and I didn't eat myself sick on those nights... Who knows.

So, plan of action for today? Not sure yet. I'm going to continue my laundry, move on to some much needed housework and just take things slow. My first reaction was "I need to get my ass to the gym and burn 1,000 calories!" but I'm not so sure that heavy exercise is the best move right now. I'm feeling a little bit better after the puke, but still off overall. If I feel up to it later, I'll ride my stationary bike. Something low-impact that will be easy on my stomach. Tomorrow will be a big gym day for sure though.

As for food, ha! Of course nothing sounds good right now. I know it's never good to not eat as a means of making up for overeating the day before, but I can almost guarantee that I will be well below my daily points today. I'm sure there will be soup at some point today, but other than that, forget about it.

1 comment:

Danielle said...

I don't think it's a fail! You've been doing great with avoiding splurges and it's gonna happen every once in a while. Plus you were able to go back and account for it all which is good. :)