Today's weight: 163. A gain of 3 pounds. Stupid uterus. And what's more annoying is that I didn't really get a good idea on how eating within my points worked (or didn't work) after doing the Wendie Plan the previous week, where I ate considerably more.
So my plan of action this week? I don't fucking know. More strength training? More points? I'm officially running out of ideas and it's getting to the point where I might seek out the help of an expert who can look at what I've been doing and point out a perfect fix that I'm clearly missing.
I guess I'll just continue to eat more of my activity points again. I'm hesitant to make any real changes this coming week because I don't know if my gain was 100% due to period bloat or if I didn't eat enough. I won't swear off allowance points like I did last week though. We're having a going away party for some friends tomorrow and I want to enjoy myself. I don't want to go overboard, but I want to indulge a bit, within reason.
ARRRRGHHH. I'm ready to just cut off one of my limbs so I can yell "Goal!" and call it a day.
Anywho. One thing I have noticed when I look over my entries at The Daily Plate is that I don't eat a lot of fat. Even on days where I eat more and go over my points, my fat intake stays pretty low. So, I'm going to try and make an effort to work on that this week. I've been taking my fish oil capsule every morning, but that's not enough when I load up on lean protein and low-fat fiber stuff all day. And it's hard to find a balance between eating more healthy fats and still not blowing my points, but I need to at least try.
egg whites w/ diced tomatoes- 1
r.f. pepperjack cheese- 1
onion alternative bagel- 1
1 oz. avocado- 1
bell pepper strips w/ PB2- 1
9 almonds- 1
lean cuisine chicken parmesan- 6
mozzarella/garlic chicken sausage- 3
diced tomatoes- 0
green beans- 0
slow churn no sugar added vanilla- 5
light syrup- 1
s.f. pudding- 1
PB2 sandwich- 2
total points used: 31/23
activity points: 40 min. incline training- 5
net points: 26
WAPs: 32/35 remaining
Went to the gym again this morning for more incline training. One positive note about my morning was that there was hardly anyone there. I guess Fridays are a good day to go. All the incline trainers were open when I got there.
The workout itself though was kinda grueling because I was in crap mood from the weigh-in. That's been one drawback to working out in the mornings, especially Fridays. If I'm not happy with the scale (which I haven't been for a few months now), my motivation to workout takes a dive. I still pushed through it, but I quit after burning 500 calories because I didn't see the point in doing anymore.
So, here I am, another frustrated morning. My confidence has taken a blow the past couple of months. I've had to make compromises and it makes me feel defeated. I've given up on my 100 pound goal. And that's fine. But I can't even make it to 90 pounds. That is my goal again because it will put me at a normal BMI. And that's why this is so frustrating. I'm not trying to get to the lowest weight possible in the weight range for my age/height. I think that's the impression some of my friends/family/coworkers are under. I'm just trying not to be considered overweight. And it's getting more and more difficult each week to face the fact that I am still considered overweight, despite how hard I work. Yes, I know it's only by a few pounds, but killing myself to make it to the bare minimum is just freaking me out right now.
I'm trying to be patient, but it's been 2.5 years since I started this journey. And although I've come a long way, I'm so full of resentment right now that I can no longer see the finish line. I'm just going through the motions each week and becoming less and less optimistic with each weigh-in.
I know this is turning into a pity-post and for that, I apologize. I'm just being honest. It's getting harder and harder to be happy with myself. And I know that I'm the only one who can change my attitude, but there's nothing to inspire me at the moment. I've read dozens and dozens of articles from health/fitness magazines and websites and continue to do so each week. I have all this knowledge on weight-loss and a healthy lifestyle and for a while, that new knowledge was keeping me motivated. But now, as I search for new things to try, I feel like I'm reading the same things over and over and it just leaves me kinda numb.
I guess before I figure out what food to eat and what workout to do, the first thing I need to work on is getting out of this stupid funk.